Sunday, December 31, 2006

Classic Country New Years






the Silver Fox...Charlie Rich



Dolly singing Behind Closed Doors

New Years Eve Resolution Review

I think this year I am going to not make any resolutions, and that will be my resolution. My personal Resolutions have about as much impact as an United Nations Resolution on Iran. Historically, they really don't work out but they damn sure sound good.

Perhaps its because I have little success with will power. Since I lack will power. I'm giving up that also. Easy to give up what you don't have, harder to give up what you do.

Resolutions are like diets or fences to keep illegal aliens out, they do not work. So why combine the two to become the diet resolution? Yet millions will be invading the gyms of America on Tuesday to pay for a year membership they will use for less than a month. Most of the same millions that were there last year. There are always exceptions. There are always lottery winners also. I bet the odds are pretty close.

Notice I mentioned the border fence. Now these people are the exception. They are much like the pilgrims that endured persecution to come to a new unknown world. They have a will to exist, work, and create a new tomorrow for themselves and their families. I respect that. Yes, I agree with the naysayers that they create new problems for us already here. They also do jobs that we no longer want or need to do. This is quite a problem. If you ever wondered how the Native Indians of North America felt about the Europeans coming, I think we are pretty close. The fence will not stop them from coming, and knowing what I know about our present culture, nothing will be done. Not convinced yet anything would really work for everyone.

Hate is such a strong word and is the opposite of love. I don't completely understand either, but who really ever does. The thing I hate the most about our present culture is parents that don't take care of their children. Of course I should immediately be dismissed from this argument because I have yet to have a child of my own. Maybe so, but here is what I know from 6 years of direct interaction with parents and children. There are too few adults in the world that really care about what is important for themselves and their own child. They only care about escaping and most hope the Government or someone else will release their burden. I call that hate.

There are some wonderful exceptions of love. Parents that love their children enough to be tough and spend the time and effort to invest in their child's future. Parents that do not cater to the every whim, but instead cater to making the child understand how to do things for themselves are too few. That is real love. However, their seems to be a never ending supply of people willing to create a child but lack none of the capacity to raise and care for it. I call that hate also.

I hate it because for all the good out there, there seems to be a million bad. I wish I knew what to do and believe me I tried. I tried to convince parents they ought to take the time to be with their boys for 6 years as a Professional Boy Scout Executive. Unfortunately, I failed to convince these parents despite my efforts and training. I made alot of parents feel guilty. But they almost always said the same thing.

I don't have the time


What is more important than spending your personal time with your son or daughter in an environment where they can learn and have fun? WHAT? Because you damn sure aren't going to the gym.

For those parents and people that give of themselves for their own children and others, and NOT the Scout dorks and corrupt greedy Professionals that at are out for their own personal glory-power trip (you'll get yours later...Scout's Honor!), I salute only you that make the real contribution.

They should make the resolutions because theirs are worth sticking to.

Before we can fix the world, we have to fix ourselves. That is a resolution for all years.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Au Revior Gopher.






Mr. Football, a poster on Raiderpower.com offers this gem.

Ripoff quote of the day

They just showed that commercial where the Cowboys' Roy Williams is pushing all those kids on swings. I think it'd be a nice touch if one of the kids got up from the swing and caught a touchdown pass on him.

Typical Tech

All I can report is the sound inside the Fox and Hound after THE FIELD GOAL went through MUST be the sound you hear when you enter the pearly gates. I was thinking as Trlica lined up to kick for the tie, that the universe owed us for the Bama kick in Dallas.

Tech fans DID NOT know how to react. Sure there was cheering, yelling, and hand slapping, but this emotion was very new. To sit there and stir in lament for 2 hours while your team is down by 31 is not fun.

To watch the comeback was comforting, but many of us, if we are honest, would truthfully say we were waiting for the final heartbreak. I will be honest here and say that whilst I was at the Fox I was 'texting' with my Dad and my good friend Helmut, I wasn't happy. One message I wrote to Helmut said,

We either need to fire his ass (Leach) before he lands back in town, or give that man a raise.


I sent a message to Dad stating we were within 10 with 8 to play. He replied,

Don't make me hurt again.


I said,

Were Tech, we hurt, thats what we do.


There were crucial stops by the defense. Time saving first downs. Tech scored on every second half possession. But was it too little too late again? May I remind you of the heartbreak in Stillwater in 03.

Being a Tech fan seems like there is a 99% chance in a big game that your heart will get broken. For two hours most of us prepared for that to happen. Would it be a blow out or a nice comeback narrow loss?

BUT

THIS

TIME

it didn't happen and somewhere in a bar in Minneapolis someone is saying, "Typical Minnesota." Boy I know how that feels.

My Dads final text message was,

The outcome was never in doubt.


Sarcasm is indeed genetic.

This feels good and I'm gonna go with it until September despite the hurl of insults from Helmut, who claims I'm pink for leaving his house at halftime. Sorry bro, but I saw the same game you did and leaving one TV for another is not Pink.

Congratulations Tech coaches, players, and fans.....as always the Goin Band from Raiderland rocked.

Long live the Matador!

Final note: I woke my mom (also a Tech grad) up early this morning because I didn't get a phone call from her screaming with glee last night. My suspicion that she didn't know the final outcome was verified. I told her the good news and she admitted that she had stopped watching with 2 minutes to go in the second quarter. She got off the phone to get the paper, then called back and said she did the "happy dance" on the front driveway. I like that because I'm sure there are others and that thought makes me happy.

AGAIN.

Thank you Red Raiders. I was fortunate to DVR the game. I think I will watch the last 10 minutes and overtime at least 400 times before the opener in September. All I need now is the Brian Jensen radio call, and all will be greatness.

Friday, December 29, 2006

The three burials of Erik Estrada






Camp Shalom fall season to ends today

GAMEDAY!

The unprepared Texas Tech Red Raiders take the field for the last time in 2006 tonight at the Insight Bowl (7pm on NFL Network). I just want to go on the record now and state, I am not convinced Head Coach Mike Leach has got this team ready to win. I better be wrong. We pay him 1.65 MILLION dollars to have them ready.

Minnesota will be ready. They have beaten some good teams in recent years in post season play, winning three of there last four bowls with some close losses. Here is their recent history.

Music City Bowl-- Virginia 34, Minnesota 31
Music City Bowl-- Minnesota 20, Alabama 16
Sun Bowl-- Minnesota 31, Oregon 30
Music City Bowl-- Minnesota 29, Arkansas 14
MicronPC.com Bowl-- N.C. State 38, Minnesota 30
Sun Bowl Oregon 24, Minnesota 20

Minnesota has a good running game, something that will benefit them well against the Tech Defense. If they can control the clock and finish drives, then I do not think Tech will win.

Honestly, I have no idea how the Tech offense will do against the Golden Gopher defense. Let's hope the Tech offense that played Baylor, and not the one that played Colorado, comes to Tempe. I just have a hard time believing that Tech is ready with only hour and twenty minute practices leading up to the game. That pisses me off frankly. Bowl preparation is also an opportunity to get more repetitions for the underclassmen players on the squad that will be used next season. Maybe develop some damn depth?

We shall see. If they do not win this game, then lets light that fire. Of course, I must confess that I felt similar before the 2004 Holiday Bowl. A performance like that would calm us Techsans down, and provide 9 months of afterglow. We need that erotic like bliss to sustain us through to the Red-Black game, and it would be nice to salvage something from this awful year.

KEEP LUBBOCK FLAT MVP-2006

My Uncle Brent better known by my friends as "Camp Shalom" is this years recipient. Brent cooked all night at the TCU tailgate party and probably fed 2000 Tech fans with his old ATO fraternity brothers. Brent also scored me tickets to two home games and provided us with his special brand of humor and fun this season. Thanks again!


More Beatles

Oasis is a good band

Hey Bulldog (you can talk to me)

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Things that make you an assclown

Bluetooth headset guy

Why do you insist upon spraying your conversation to the rest of us acting as if you are Gordon Gecko.


What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.


What? You say it as if you are proud of the fact that you have to pay a prostitute for sex. By the way, if you really want it to remain a secret that you cheated on your wife several times and did cocaine, maybe you should STFU. But thanks for the snappy saying, I have never heard it before. Oh, by the way, she knows.

GIT R DUN, Wassup, OHHHKKKAAY

If you are repeating any or all of these then you should be aware that unless you are that comedian, you aren't that funny. I'm just laughing at you.

Speaking intelligently about NASCAR

If you are going to speak about NASCAR, please do so in a matter befitting the clientèle. I don't care, so at least let me enjoy the fact that you are nothing more than a closet inbred watching the rats race.

New York Yankee fans

No need for an explanation.


The Church of Latter Day Hedonists

The term SELFISH righteous applies here. What are you doing? The government and the corporate ownership co-opted by the lobbyists using your money are ruining our future. All for the sake of what exactly? While we sit here entertained and bombarded with the advertising that sells modern snake oil and fast food that makes us obese, your children are being forsaken for your lack of action. They don't make a pill for that, so you are going to have to do something. But please don't get up until gasoline is $10 a gallon, it's a 115 degrees at 10am, and the cable wire melts. The upside is you'll finally be able to get that new Hummer, you just wont be able to drive it. Think about it.

Politico Locksteppers

In the present political environment, if you can't claim beliefs on either side of the spectrum, YOU ARE completely lost and part of the problem. I'm not saying, let's all get along now. But it might be possible to get along if you could start thinking for yourselves and not taking your marching orders from the pundits that exploit and rely upon you being obtuse.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Dana Carvey skit on SNL

I apologize AGAIN, for the poor taste. This is funny!

President Gerald Ford died

His claim to fame was he pardoned his former boss, President Richard Nixon. He was the last to die of the Warren Commission that claimed Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone in the Kennedy Assassination.

The Boston Globe

These things run in threes.

I predict the next to die is Lee Majors. Wild packs of wolves should be brought in for questioning.


Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Please Please

James Brown is Annie!




I love James Brown, but Eddie is still Eddie. Sorry for the poor taste.

AND MY FAVORITE!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Thought for the Day

Nihilophobia is the fear of (absolutely) nothing and not the fear of nihilists.

Theodore Donald "Donny" Kerabatsos died from a nihilist provoked heart attack in the Big Lebowski. Did his fear kill him?

Hmmmm.


Ronnie G and I killed on the radio today.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Rusty Thrower captures History




I want to introduce you to one of my most interesting friends, Rusty Thrower. We were fraternity brothers at Texas Tech. Of all the people I met in those days, 'Thrower' was by far the most magnetic and fun person. Even though Rusty was a year younger than me, I looked up to him. Rusty could hold court anywhere and always had a throng of friends and ladies around having fun. When i was 20, i thought that was great. Now that I'm 35, I realize i want to be 20 and hanging out with 'Thrower' over at Conference Cafe again.

We had some good times, but Rusty's old soul grew frustrated with school and transfered to North Texas to follow his passion in life. It crushed the lot of us that Rusty was gone. I couldn't make sense of it then, but when I see what he does now, I realize Rusty Thrower is an artist. In fact, I think he was born to late for his time. You will see.

"Through my sculpture, I try to create a work that is pleasurable to look at, while attempting to give the viewer an insight to another time and place."
In another time and place, after not seeing Rusty, I ran into him in Denton, TX. It was quite a reunion. My friends were convinced Rusty was the coolest within 20 minutes. It was no shock. Later, he invited me and my friends over to his house to hang out. When we walked in, there it was. He called it Necessary Skill.

It's remarkable how a kid from the suburbs gets it.

The picture doesn't do it justice. I must have stared at that unfinished piece of recaptured history for an hour. He told me that he was finishing his Art degree at North Texas. I said, "you should have been teaching the courses." I am no art critic, but to me Rusty's work seems great at any angle. If I have ever met a genius in life, it's Rusty. I remember viewing the sculpture of Frederic Remington and thought that genre had gone with him to the grave. The world is so lucky to have 'Thrower' around.

Rusty now lives and works in the DFW Metroplex, but his mind is probably somewhere in the early 19th century on the plains with the Comanche, or on the range moving a herd.

Rusty completed his degree and has an online studio where you can view his work. Please take the time and check it out, it is worth it.

Rustythrower.com

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

College Bowl Games worth watching

Thu., Dec. 21
8 p.m.
Las Vegas Las Vegas Mountain West vs. Pac-10 Brigham Young vs. Oregon

This should be a great game in Vegas. High scoring and lots of fun figuring out if the Duck uniforms look cool. My pick is BYU.

Fri., Dec. 22
8 p.m.
New Orleans New Orleans Sun Belt vs. Conference USA Troy vs. Rice

Just can't wait to see what the Rice Owls look like with Major Applewhite as Offensive Co-Ordinater. Rice Rice Rice!


Sat., Dec. 24
8 p.m.
Hawaii Honolulu Pac-10 vs. WAC Arizona State vs. Hawaii

I want to see if Hawaii quarterback Colt Brennan can light up the Sun Devil defense. I think he will. Hawaii.

Thu., Dec. 28
4:30 p.m. Independence Shreveport, La. SEC vs. Big 12
Alabama vs. Oklahoma State

Shrevetopia in December always produces a good game. Okie Lite.


Thu., Dec. 28
8 p.m. Holiday San Diego Pac-10 vs. Big 12
California vs. Texas A&M

Proof that a mirror opposite universe can exist on the same plane. Before the game, the new Secretary of Defense Robert Gates announces he is re-instating the military draft prompting Berkeley alums to stage a sit in on the field. The Texas Aggie Corps of Cadets draws sabers to clear the field for play. At halftime, the Cal cheerleaders stick flowers in the trumpets of the FTAB. I'm picking the tree huggers in an upset.





Fri., Dec. 29
7:30 p.m.
Insight Tempe, Ariz. Big 12 vs. Big Ten Texas Tech vs. Minnesota

Congratulations Insight Bowl and NFL Network sponsors! You have paid for advertising that will not be seen by a vast majority of the South Plains television households. I love my school, I bleed red and black, but I am just ready for the Spring game. Tech, PLEASE win.




Sat., Dec. 30
4:30 p.m.
Alamo San Antonio Big 12 vs. Big Ten Texas vs. Iowa

I will watch only if Texas has to start the third string QB. Texas wins.




Mon., Jan. 1
8:30 p.m. Fiesta Glendale, Ariz. BCS vs. BCS Oklahoma vs. Boise State

There is always a chance that Oklahoma will lose.



Wed., Jan. 3
8 p.m. Sugar New Orleans BCS vs. BCS Notre Dame vs. LSU

I like to watch the Tigers. Should be emotional in New Orleans and Notre Dame will get exposed by the overall speed of LSU. LSU by at least 20.



Mon., Jan. 1
5 p.m. Rose Pasadena, Calif. BCS vs. BCS Michigan vs. University of Spoiled Children

Titanic game! Should be the best one of the entire bowl season. USC is snakebit in Pasadena. Michigan wins.



Mon., Jan. 8
8 p.m. BCS title game Glendale, Ariz. BCS No. 1 vs. BCS No. 2 Ohio State vs. Florida

The SEC Champs state emphatically why they have the best football Conference in America. Florida is battle tested and approved.

Samberg greatness

Festivus for the rest of us.


http://www.poorandpathetic.blogspot.com/

Monday, December 18, 2006

Just in case you missed it.


"Don Rumsfeld is the finest Secretary of Defense this nation has ever had." - Dick Cheney


I like Thomas L. Friedman's take on this on Meet the Press,


Think of what happened this week. OK, Dick Cheney, the vice president, stood up at a massive farewell ceremony for, for Rumsfeld at the Pentagon and said he was the greatest secretary of defense in American history. Now, if that is true, either George Bush is a fool or Dick Cheney is a liar, all right? Because either George Bush just fired at the height of a war, at the greatest national security threat of our country’s current era, the greatest secretary of defense in history, or Dick Cheney thinks we’re all walking around with a sign that says “Stupid” on it.

Unfortunately Mr. Friedman, I don't think Vice President Cheney cares what we think.

Open letter to Iranian President Ahmadinejad

Dear President Ahmadinejad,

Please indulge some questions.

The holocaust is a "myth"? Really? Thanks in advance for clearing that up. Although I have to wonder how you can discount so many documented pieces of evidence to the contrary, not to mention the countless testimony of people that claim they were there? How can any rational person deny this? I presume rational might be in dispute. To be honest and in admittedly poor taste, at prima facie you seem like a Aggie denying the fact that Tech has beaten them in football 8 of 9 times. You'll get along famously with our new Secretary of Defense. Not only is he a former Aggie president, but is also a former CIA. To quote a line from Animal House, "I'm sure you'll have lots to talk about."

"They have invented a myth that Jews were massacred and place this above God, religions and the prophets,"


I guess these so called 'Holocaust victims' were really not dead, but instead leading fruitful lives elsewhere. I would be grateful if you could enlighten me as to there actual whereabouts for the last 60 years.

While your at it, could you please tell me where the 'Grassy Knoll gunmen', Bin Laden, and Elvis are located. In need their input on a screen play I'm trying to sell to Oliver Stone. I will write you in if you help me out.

I'm guessing that no reasonable explanation will be given. Oh but wait, you do give a false one. CNN

"The West has given more significance to the myth of the genocide of the Jews, even more significant than God, religion, and the prophets," he said. "(It) deals very severely with those who deny this myth but does not do anything to those who deny God, religion, and the prophet."
So let me get this straight. If I don't believe in God, but deny the documented history of the Holocaust, then the God I deny will be nice. Cool. Perhaps your quote is lost in the translation. In either case, you should write songs for Gothic bands after your done making the Middle East a glowing piece of green glass.

I'm sorry Mr. President, that's not exactly believable by unlettered standards, perhaps you should watch and read this piece by Scott Pelley from 60 Minutes. He's a great reporter and you can trust him. He's not only from Lubbock, but a Texas Tech graduate as well. If that isn't enough for you, I'm sure you can deny the existence of Texas Tech. The legislature of the Great State of Texas seems to pull it off every now and then. Scott Pelley reports on 60 Minutes.

Want to deny those survivors?

(Great job Scott!)

To use a latin term, your case against the Holocaust lacks res ipsa loquitur evidence. When you make an argument like this then the burden of proof is on you. When you can't provide anything accept,

"Our question is, if you have committed this huge crime, why should the innocent nation of Palestine pay for this crime?"
That dog wont hunt and you know it.

In Conclusion, you don't confound me with that classic subterfuge. I think you want others to believe that you are irrational and you will use that to your advantage at a later date. Probably when you finally have missiles tipped with nuclear warheads. After you decide to use them, will you be alive to deny the genocide you created? Probably not.

I again look forward to your reply.

Sincerely,

Russell Smith


If you would also like to email President Ahmadinejad, here is the link to his website.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

If i had a Rock n Roll band

If I had a rock n roll band
Conjugal Visits would be the name
Weekend gigs and barmizvahs
Short hair band boosted to fame

Wicked guitar licks create
Orgasm of hellion praise
Like rock n roll conquistadors
new planes through purple haze

When I got famous enough
#1 on the charts in Montana
I could do a duet album
with Snoop and Carlos Santana

Immersed in limelight
Fruit that giveth sight
European tour ensues
Wembley re-opening night

Middle of summer USA
Conjugalpalooza concert sell out
No time to work on album
No follow-up make fans pout

Break up because of drugs
It's no longer fun
Like McCartney without Beatles
Band on the Run

Behind the Music on VH1
No more television without sounds
Reunion Tour called off
Lead singer is 400 pounds

Reality television flunky
Diet show and book
Sucks more than that Roxette song
"She's Got the Look"

Bad Poetry Sunday: an original idea i borrowed

I didn't have to say Al Gore.

The internet is the worlds greatest invention
Next to the juicer and superpan
e-existence lured and hooked
Was that a chick without her top
HA HA..made you look.

ROTFLMAO
WTF?
IYKWIMAITYD



ROMOSEXUAL

Tony is invoked
Cowboy hall of fame
Makes us forget
Drew whatshisname

Man love recreated
Everyone feeling groovy
not at all like
the gay cowboy movie

The chicks dig his chili
sexist remark in rhyme
Jungle Love anyone?
Morris Day and the Time

Why didn't he start?
beginning season of wince
like ADD poetry poet
doesn't make sense

Friday, December 15, 2006

The Dead Zone


The time between the regular season and the bowl season seems like an eternity. If you only knew. I am reduced to watching South American Club Soccer playoffs. Congrats to Estudiantes! They are the new club champions of Argentina. They beat Boca Juniors 2-1 with two goals in the final 30 minutes. Barcelona plays Internacional for the Club World Cup on Fox Sports El Paso on Sunday. It ought to be as intense as Floydada versus Ralls. Good times!

The bowl season will finally kick into high gear in two weeks. I am not looking forward to watching Tech play Minnesota. Only bad things can happen. More on that to come. On a high note, I am really looking forward to the Chinamen playing on television. I haven't seen them all season.

The Insight Bowl will be broadcast on NFL Network, which is only available on certain satellite companies and not Suddenlink Cable. Bummer. Lubbock is in a slight uproar about it, like we don't have sports bar to watch it.

I will be posting my bowl picks in a few days. I'm still unsure about who to pick in several monumental contests. I can already tell you I am picking against Tech.

Why? They wont show up. They will be there, but I fear that Tech will not be as intense in preparation leading up to the game like the vaunted (6-6) Golden Gophers will. I hope I am wrong.

Two South Plains teams are playing for State Championships this weekend. Good luck to the Littlefield Wildcats (2A) and Jayton Jaybirds (6-man).

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Lubbock Urban Achievers Bowling team needs you!


Flatlanders and those that wish you were,

Since my move to Lubbock, I have decided to create a bowling team. Lifestyles of the Poor and Pathetic will now concentrate on the chronicles of this team. For now, the team will be called the LUBBOCK URBAN ACHIEVERS. Colors will be red and black of course. Almost anyone can join the team but not all will participate in league play. There will however be opportunities to be social and raise hell.

My goal is to have the worst team with the rowdiest following. I plan on bringing Lubbock Competitive Bowling to its knees! I am serious as a nihilist about this!

There will be fees, although I am not sure how much yet. The fees will sponsor our team in bowling league play, provide a swanky custom bowling shirt to members, and pay for a few "social events" every season.

Here is the rub, every year we will take some cash from yearly operations and provide a scholarship for a student to attend Texas Tech. That way we can be drinking for kids. Something we can all be proud of!

If you are interested in becoming a founding member of Lubbock Urban Achievers, please contact me at keeplubbockflat@suddenlink.net

Your Dudefather,

Kingfish

Monday, December 11, 2006

Tom Sawyer with chronic indecision


That's what I am. The "Flood of Gold" that Samuel Clemens describes seems to be further down the river of my time for me. There aint no river in Lubbock, so I'm not expecting any floods soon.

I was thinking that President Bush should fix the situation in Iraq by unleashing the greatness that is Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo. I changed my mind last night. Maybe the Saints should come marching in.

Murphy's Soap can somewhat restore the finish of wood furniture. It cannot however restore the finish wood wallpaper.

The theater in Post, Texas proudly displayed a marquis proclaiming "King of Diamonds.... tribute to Neil Diamond." I laughed all the way to Clairemont.

Would you rather be a windshield or a bug?

My body is no longer in tune with the universe. I am not expanding.

I was wondering if the Chinese had a television show called "Fung shui my ride". They should.

I was contemplating the lyrics on musical artist John Mayer. He has undeniable talent and if you have never seen him rip on a guitar solo, you are missing out. He's got IT. But damn John, what the hell kinda bullshit message are you sending with Waiting for the World to Change? Its a great tune, melody, etc. The message on the other hand is something I don't happen to agree with. Are you really telling your generation to wait around powerless until you get power to change things? That wont work. I sentence you to two days hard Creedence, one day of N.W.A., and an afternoon with Neil Young.

Todays Tom Sawyer, you know you know the words, and then when you say them you cant help but give the verbal guitar. Anyway, I get it now, and its not the song. Canadian super groups be damned. What the hell does, "the space he invades he gets by on you," mean? It's really just another case of a band selling out to commercialism. In this case its Nintendo. Busted!

Reverse psychological Rant:

Dear Chevrolet and Budweiser advertising firms,


This is our Country by John Mellencamp is a great song. May I suggest that you get your team to figure out a way to repackage that song in different commercials. I know that your already on it, but I was hoping to see even more versions of it. I can't seem to get enough. Please convince GM to spend more money on advertising. I know they have so little left due to their vast expenditures on alternative fuel engines, employee compensation, and tariff lobbying. Yesterday, while I was shopping for Nissan that was made in Tennessee, I got sad and thought of how un-patriotic I was for not buying a Chevrolet truck built in Mexico. After all, "the dream is still alive!"

You think you can get Snoop Dawg to do a "aint nothin but a Global Market economy thang" rap song? He might be tough to get, better get Jay-Z instead. Every time I drink a Budweiser now I think of all the African-American metrosexuals that will soon be my ghetto dawgs. Here's an idea you can bring back from the old days. It's fo sheezy fo sale.

Instead of "Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet", you should do, "Basketball, weed, shorties, and Escalade."

Here are my lyrics:

"Basketball, weed, shortie, and Escalade." by Kingfish

YO yo yo...Keep Lubbock Flat (Phat drum beat)

Cruising in my Escalade
rims that spin
my rhymes are so phat
I need verbal Dexetrim

Went to the park
to walk my dawg Maggie
she took a pee
I picked up a shortie

We rolled to the arena
good ole USA
she brought the weed
I decided she could stay

After the basketball
Raiders on fire
went to the strip
where they sell Budweiser

I bought a case
and an ice choco latte
she oddly used her booty
to roll up a fatty

We smoked to Ronnie G's
where the party was jumping
like Animal Channel marathon
everything was humping

Huffin and puffin
three flights of stairs to my apartment
shortie wanted to see
my underwear department

she wasn't a keeper
the shortie was 'catch-release'
it's like fishing for bass
in a state park lease.

My rhyme is over
like colors that fade
you cant ball with a shortie
without weed and Escalade.

Out.

Sorry for the hiatus

KLF is now written in Lubbock. The move and climbing three flights of stairs has stymied my energy. I am happy to be back.

My new email address is keeplubbockflat@suddenlink.net