Samberg greatness

Festivus for the rest of us.

http://www.poorandpathetic.blogspot.com/

Just in case you missed it.

"Don Rumsfeld is the finest Secretary of Defense this nation has ever had." - Dick Cheney


I like Thomas L. Friedman's take on this on Meet the Press,

Think of what happened this week. OK, Dick Cheney, the vice president, stood up at a massive farewell ceremony for, for Rumsfeld at the Pentagon and said he was the greatest secretary of defense in American history. Now, if that is true, either George Bush is a fool or Dick Cheney is a liar, all right? Because either George Bush just fired at the height of a war, at the greatest national security threat of our country’s current era, the greatest secretary of defense in history, or Dick Cheney thinks we’re all walking around with a sign that says “Stupid” on it.

Unfortunately Mr. Friedman, I don't think Vice President Cheney cares what we think.

Open letter to Iranian President Ahmadinejad

Dear President Ahmadinejad,

Please indulge some questions.

The holocaust is a "myth"? Really? Thanks in advance for clearing that up. Although I have to wonder how you can discount so many documented pieces of evidence to the contrary, not to mention the countless testimony of people that claim they were there? How can any rational person deny this? I presume rational might be in dispute. To be honest and in admittedly poor taste, at prima facie you seem like a Aggie denying the fact that Tech has beaten them in football 8 of 9 times. You'll get along famously with our new Secretary of Defense. Not only is he a former Aggie president, but is also a former CIA. To quote a line from Animal House, "I'm sure you'll have lots to talk about."

"They have invented a myth that Jews were massacred and place this above God, religions and the prophets,"

I guess these so called 'Holocaust victims' were really not dead, but instead leading fruitful lives elsewhere. I would be grateful if you could enlighten me as to there actual whereabouts for the last 60 years.

While your at it, could you please tell me where the 'Grassy Knoll gunmen', Bin Laden, and Elvis are located. In need their input on a screen play I'm trying to sell to Oliver Stone. I will write you in if you help me out.

I'm guessing that no reasonable explanation will be given. Oh but wait, you do give a false one. CNN

"The West has given more significance to the myth of the genocide of the Jews, even more significant than God, religion, and the prophets," he said. "(It) deals very severely with those who deny this myth but does not do anything to those who deny God, religion, and the prophet."

So let me get this straight. If I don't believe in God, but deny the documented history of the Holocaust, then the God I deny will be nice. Cool. Perhaps your quote is lost in the translation. In either case, you should write songs for Gothic bands after your done making the Middle East a glowing piece of green glass.

I'm sorry Mr. President, that's not exactly believable by unlettered standards, perhaps you should watch and read this piece by Scott Pelley from 60 Minutes. He's a great reporter and you can trust him. He's not only from Lubbock, but a Texas Tech graduate as well. If that isn't enough for you, I'm sure you can deny the existence of Texas Tech. The legislature of the Great State of Texas seems to pull it off every now and then. Scott Pelley reports on 60 Minutes.

Want to deny those survivors?

(Great job Scott!)

To use a latin term, your case against the Holocaust lacks res ipsa loquitur evidence. When you make an argument like this then the burden of proof is on you. When you can't provide anything accept,

"Our question is, if you have committed this huge crime, why should the innocent nation of Palestine pay for this crime?"

That dog wont hunt and you know it.

In Conclusion, you don't confound me with that classic subterfuge. I think you want others to believe that you are irrational and you will use that to your advantage at a later date. Probably when you finally have missiles tipped with nuclear warheads. After you decide to use them, will you be alive to deny the genocide you created? Probably not.

I again look forward to your reply.

Sincerely,

Russell Smith


If you would also like to email President Ahmadinejad, here is the link to his website.

If i had a Rock n Roll band

If I had a rock n roll band
Conjugal Visits would be the name
Weekend gigs and barmizvahs
Short hair band boosted to fame

Wicked guitar licks create
Orgasm of hellion praise
Like rock n roll conquistadors
new planes through purple haze

When I got famous enough
#1 on the charts in Montana
I could do a duet album
with Snoop and Carlos Santana

Immersed in limelight
Fruit that giveth sight
European tour ensues
Wembley re-opening night

Middle of summer USA
Conjugalpalooza concert sell out
No time to work on album
No follow-up make fans pout

Break up because of drugs
It's no longer fun
Like McCartney without Beatles
Band on the Run

Behind the Music on VH1
No more television without sounds
Reunion Tour called off
Lead singer is 400 pounds

Reality television flunky
Diet show and book
Sucks more than that Roxette song
"She's Got the Look"

Bad Poetry Sunday: an original idea i borrowed

I didn't have to say Al Gore.

The internet is the worlds greatest invention
Next to the juicer and superpan
e-existence lured and hooked
Was that a chick without her top
HA HA..made you look.

ROTFLMAO
WTF?
IYKWIMAITYD



ROMOSEXUAL

Tony is invoked
Cowboy hall of fame
Makes us forget
Drew whatshisname

Man love recreated
Everyone feeling groovy
not at all like
the gay cowboy movie

The chicks dig his chili
sexist remark in rhyme
Jungle Love anyone?
Morris Day and the Time

Why didn't he start?
beginning season of wince
like ADD poetry poet
doesn't make sense

The Dead Zone

The time between the regular season and the bowl season seems like an eternity. If you only knew. I am reduced to watching South American Club Soccer playoffs. Congrats to Estudiantes! They are the new club champions of Argentina. They beat Boca Juniors 2-1 with two goals in the final 30 minutes. Barcelona plays Internacional for the Club World Cup on Fox Sports El Paso on Sunday. It ought to be as intense as Floydada versus Ralls. Good times!

The bowl season will finally kick into high gear in two weeks. I am not looking forward to watching Tech play Minnesota. Only bad things can happen. More on that to come. On a high note, I am really looking forward to the Chinamen playing on television. I haven't seen them all season.

The Insight Bowl will be broadcast on NFL Network, which is only available on certain satellite companies and not Suddenlink Cable. Bummer. Lubbock is in a slight uproar about it, like we don't have sports bar to watch it.

I will be posting my bowl picks in a few days. I'm still unsure about who to pick in several monumental contests. I can already tell you I am picking against Tech.

Why? They wont show up. They will be there, but I fear that Tech will not be as intense in preparation leading up to the game like the vaunted (6-6) Golden Gophers will. I hope I am wrong.

Two South Plains teams are playing for State Championships this weekend. Good luck to the Littlefield Wildcats (2A) and Jayton Jaybirds (6-man).

Lubbock Urban Achievers Bowling team needs you!

Flatlanders and those that wish you were,

Since my move to Lubbock, I have decided to create a bowling team. Lifestyles of the Poor and Pathetic will now concentrate on the chronicles of this team. For now, the team will be called the LUBBOCK URBAN ACHIEVERS. Colors will be red and black of course. Almost anyone can join the team but not all will participate in league play. There will however be opportunities to be social and raise hell.

My goal is to have the worst team with the rowdiest following. I plan on bringing Lubbock Competitive Bowling to its knees! I am serious as a nihilist about this!

There will be fees, although I am not sure how much yet. The fees will sponsor our team in bowling league play, provide a swanky custom bowling shirt to members, and pay for a few "social events" every season.

Here is the rub, every year we will take some cash from yearly operations and provide a scholarship for a student to attend Texas Tech. That way we can be drinking for kids. Something we can all be proud of!

If you are interested in becoming a founding member of Lubbock Urban Achievers, please contact me at keeplubbockflat@suddenlink.net

Your Dudefather,

Kingfish

Tom Sawyer with chronic indecision

That's what I am. The "Flood of Gold" that Samuel Clemens describes seems to be further down the river of my time for me. There aint no river in Lubbock, so I'm not expecting any floods soon.

I was thinking that President Bush should fix the situation in Iraq by unleashing the greatness that is Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo. I changed my mind last night. Maybe the Saints should come marching in.

Murphy's Soap can somewhat restore the finish of wood furniture. It cannot however restore the finish wood wallpaper.

The theater in Post, Texas proudly displayed a marquis proclaiming "King of Diamonds.... tribute to Neil Diamond." I laughed all the way to Clairemont.

Would you rather be a windshield or a bug?

My body is no longer in tune with the universe. I am not expanding.

I was wondering if the Chinese had a television show called "Fung shui my ride". They should.

I was contemplating the lyrics on musical artist John Mayer. He has undeniable talent and if you have never seen him rip on a guitar solo, you are missing out. He's got IT. But damn John, what the hell kinda bullshit message are you sending with Waiting for the World to Change? Its a great tune, melody, etc. The message on the other hand is something I don't happen to agree with. Are you really telling your generation to wait around powerless until you get power to change things? That wont work. I sentence you to two days hard Creedence, one day of N.W.A., and an afternoon with Neil Young.

Todays Tom Sawyer, you know you know the words, and then when you say them you cant help but give the verbal guitar. Anyway, I get it now, and its not the song. Canadian super groups be damned. What the hell does, "the space he invades he gets by on you," mean? It's really just another case of a band selling out to commercialism. In this case its Nintendo. Busted!

Reverse psychological Rant:

Dear Chevrolet and Budweiser advertising firms,


This is our Country by John Mellencamp is a great song. May I suggest that you get your team to figure out a way to repackage that song in different commercials. I know that your already on it, but I was hoping to see even more versions of it. I can't seem to get enough. Please convince GM to spend more money on advertising. I know they have so little left due to their vast expenditures on alternative fuel engines, employee compensation, and tariff lobbying. Yesterday, while I was shopping for Nissan that was made in Tennessee, I got sad and thought of how un-patriotic I was for not buying a Chevrolet truck built in Mexico. After all, "the dream is still alive!"

You think you can get Snoop Dawg to do a "aint nothin but a Global Market economy thang" rap song? He might be tough to get, better get Jay-Z instead. Every time I drink a Budweiser now I think of all the African-American metrosexuals that will soon be my ghetto dawgs. Here's an idea you can bring back from the old days. It's fo sheezy fo sale.

Instead of "Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet", you should do, "Basketball, weed, shorties, and Escalade."

Here are my lyrics:

"Basketball, weed, shortie, and Escalade." by Kingfish

YO yo yo...Keep Lubbock Flat (Phat drum beat)

Cruising in my Escalade
rims that spin
my rhymes are so phat
I need verbal Dexetrim

Went to the park
to walk my dawg Maggie
she took a pee
I picked up a shortie

We rolled to the arena
good ole USA
she brought the weed
I decided she could stay

After the basketball
Raiders on fire
went to the strip
where they sell Budweiser

I bought a case
and an ice choco latte
she oddly used her booty
to roll up a fatty

We smoked to Ronnie G's
where the party was jumping
like Animal Channel marathon
everything was humping

Huffin and puffin
three flights of stairs to my apartment
shortie wanted to see
my underwear department

she wasn't a keeper
the shortie was 'catch-release'
it's like fishing for bass
in a state park lease.

My rhyme is over
like colors that fade
you cant ball with a shortie
without weed and Escalade.

Out.

Sorry for the hiatus

KLF is now written in Lubbock. The move and climbing three flights of stairs has stymied my energy. I am happy to be back.

My new email address is keeplubbockflat@suddenlink.net

Sensational Kid Rock follow up Rant.

http://keeplubbockflat.blogspot.com/2006/07/kid-rock-marries-pamelawhy.html

Wow, what do i get? Funny quirk is I met and got to be friendly with Kid Rock's sister and her boyfriend now husband. Her name is Jill Ritchie and she is an actress. She was in a bad movie called D.E.B.S. She was good even thought the script sucked. Anyway, I met her and her parents with my ex-girlfriend at a party at her condo in Santa Monica. Extremely nice people from Michigan. I presume that Kid (don't know his given name) is also a good person judging his kin. Too bad, in my opinion, he got caught up in all that Hollywood marriage bullshit. Wish he would have kept on rocking in the music business. I guess those things are fleeting. The boy could write.
Did they break up because they needed the bad news press coverage? The old thought is any attention is good attention is guess.

But I have something more to offer here. When I posted this several months ago it was an experiment. I have a hit counter on this site and try to keep track of what my readers respond to. This particular article 'blew up' in my meager standards as a human interest piece. It wasn't near as big as some of my political postings, but I dismiss that in the context of time preceding the election. The fact is, people respond to this kind of speculative writing. Personally, I find that to be an indictment on the obtuse. Notice I said personally. Whatever floats your boat.

If you want to paddle through in your canoe in a malaise of sewage, that is your business. Be aware that that is what it is. These people are nothing but caught up in a shit cycle that starts in Hollywood and ends in you doing exactly what they want you to do. PAY ATTENTION. I'm not picking on any one person here. I am picking on you! I am also picking on me at the same time.

Why should we give a damn about these people? Need some recent examples? I don't care if Madonna adopts 6 kids. It still doesn't change the message that I see A) she doesn't really care about those kids and B) she is doing it to sell more albums in a career sagging faster than her breasts! (Make me beautiful anyone?) Why does the whole world need to be involved in the custody of a child from Africa. Never mind the countless illegitimate children spawned by her care free sexual messages of the 90's. I don't know how you atone for 20 years plus of sexual proclivity and messages of careless life. How about sending every single mom in the US a refund for the swill that is her music. 'Borderline' was good though, I hear Britney is going to do a remake called 'Federline'. Oh well, let's give her the benefit of the doubt. She is definitely on par with Bono.....not! Go forth leopard and change thou spots.

How about the Britney sex tape? I hope she gets richer on it quite frankly. I can think of no other person on this planet that needs to get paid for a sex tape more than her. As we have seen hundreds of times a day. Britney Spears is a victim of the perceived ass clown known as Kevin Federline. Who cares? Why are people fixated on this crap. Why am I? He wreaks of the trash I see on Springer. She is the mouse wife that loves her man even though he is bad. I just loathe women like that. Springer is the real genius of exploiting the misery of others.

When are you people going to realize that I am right and follow my lead?

How about we drop all that stuff and focus on what really matters in life. A BCS playoff! Think of it, 8 teams duking it out for a College Football National Championship. Just like Basketball. The Big Dance would pale in comparison in the amount of cash that would pour in. Hell, we could feed Africa and send Britney to parenting class on that.

The real issue is culture. We are what we eat in more ways than one. America, including myself, is obese. We are completely engulfed in the self gratification mirage that is really another dune in the endless ocean of message dessert. We buy more with less value in substance and real usefulness. We fill our days in the trance of the unexamined, and it is my realization it is indeed not worth living.

So what to do? Choose what you eat, watch, read, and discover carefully and vote for a college football playoff.

Rant over. I am moving this week. You figure it out.

Please dont go Mike

The end of the college football regular season is almost here and already Texas Tech Coach Mike Leach is on the several schools hot list. These schools include Miami, Alabama, Arizona State, N.C. State and you can probably add UCLA after they get hammered by USC next weekend. There are probably more coming after him that I have failed to mention.

If Mike is going to leave Texas Tech, it will probably be to a school in the Pac-10 for two reasons. Mike likes the west coast and these schools are more likely to offer him a job because they have watched how he has done more with less in the highly competitive Big XII. Not to mention they remember how he has shredded the likes of Cal, UT, and Texas A&M. Should the UCLA job come available, Mike would have the resources and the paycheck to make him bolt. But would he do it?

I don't think Alabama or Miami would would be a good fit for Mike. These programs demand winning immediately and will not have the patience for close losses. Mike knows they will turn on him quickly. Besides, It is highly probable that they wont offer Mike a job in favor of someone with championships and/or NFL experience on their resume. I dont think Mike would consider that move anyway. Those programs are almost impossible to succeed in by comparison to their storied histories.

Coach Leach strikes me as a man on a mission. I think he wanted and still burns with desire to take Texas Tech football to the next level. He hasn't quite done that yet. Has he done a good job? Absolutely! Attendance, Bowl wins, and recruiting have all blossomed in his tenure. The only thing lacking is a Conference Championship. We now compete on the field with the likes of OU, Nebraska, and Texas, two of those schools have won National Championships recently. We also continue to own A&M. Sure, he has lost with better teams to TCU, New Mexico, Colorado, Kansas, and OSU to name a few. But the excitement and expectations are at an all time high on the South Plains. Tech alumni are giving more than ever and Mike Leach is the big reason.

Ultimately, I can give you one point six five million reasons why Mike should stay in Lubbock. The biggest reason to stay is that Mike Leach is the perfect Coach for Texas Tech football. Let's face it, we Tech fans love Mike and his Leachisms. He has brought more joy in going to Jones Stadium than I can ever remember. The first downs, touchdowns, and last minute heroics are nice, but I always watch with the belief that Tech has a chance to win every game. The opposition fears Tech and that has rarely if ever been the case. Mike is a winner.

So please, please, please, Mike...DONT GO. Stay and do what Paterno did at Penn State. Be the next Bobby Bowden or Frank Beamer. In fact, be bigger! Anyone can go west and be another coach. You can turn Jones Stadium into the 75,000 rabid one day. You can be a legend. To borrow your words Coach, "Swing your damn sword", and tell those big time athletic directors we will be coming to take what is ours on a football field. Besides, what kind of pirate decides at the last minute to join the Royal Navy.

Dear Longhorn friends,

I feel your pain. Losing back to back game to unranked opponents isn't pleasant. I know most of you have been here before, but the fall is furthest from the top. You guys really didn't have a chance. Coach Fran is the greatest football mind in the history of Lone Star State athletics, and it was only a matter of time before he hung one on you guys.

Whatever you do, don't blame the Big 12 referees. It's a trip to negative town you guys don't need. Think of the wellbeing of your children.

My advice to you is to watch 7 hours of Rose Bowl DVD's. Don't torture yourselves and watch the OU-Lite game. That well has probably run dry on 'backing' into the Championship game, but who knows? You know deep down that Stoops is going to take care of business today.

If you care to, there is room on the Cowboy bandwagon I officially jumped on Thursday. Oh sorry, I guess you guys are Oiler fans again with Vince being there and all. Hey, I root for the Miami Red Raiders every Sunday.

Pain heals, Chicks dig scars, and Glory last forever.

Falco or Bucky Richardson, I always forget.

Texas Tech Aggies beat Texas?

AP Rankings Top 25: Scores from Friday Texas Tech 12, #12 Texas 7

Monroe, Ga. 11/25/2006 3:32 AM GMT (FINDITT)

Texas Tech totaled 302 yards of offense, including 244 yards on the ground, to snap a six game losing streak to in-state rival #12 Texas. The 12-7 win for the Aggies placed them improved their record to 9-3 and could place them in the Big 12 Championship if Oklahoma State can knock of Oklahoma on Saturday.

Going into the game Texas boasted the nation’s top rush defense but the Aggies found holes and bullied the Longhorns front line all day. Aggies quarterback Stephen McGee rushed for 95 yards and a touchdown while tailback Mike Goodson added another 86 yards on the ground to lead the attack.

Texas had a 7-6 advantage going into the fourth quarter but they were unable to shut down the Aggies when they needed it most. The Longhorns didn’t do themselves any favors, turning the ball over four times in the game. Freshman quarterback Colt McCoy accounted for three of those turnovers with interceptions.

With a dominate running game the Aggies also controlled the clock. Texas Tech had close to a twelve minute advantage in time of possession.

The Longhorns could only manage 230 yards of total offense with just 70 yards coming on the ground. Texas was also dismal on third down conversions, finding success in just two of their nine opportunities.

The loss will more than likely knock Texas, the defending BCS Champions, out of a BCS Bowl bid. Texas is hoping for an Oklahoma State win on Saturday, that will put the Longhorns in the Big 12 Championship game against Nebraska on December 2.

www.finditt.com


Link to article

Journalism at its finest!

I betcha these farmers are happy

Let the 8 year party begin in Aggieland.

Jive

On this Thanksgiving,

I am thankful

......for Al Gore, the interweb, and my dog Maggie.

......for state highway 114, coffee, and the view from either side.

......I don't have to eat another Thanksgiving with my psycho ex girlfriend in California.

......anything is still possible.

......for being a Techsan

......for my friends

......for mullet hair styles

......for tacos

......for College Gameday on ESPN

......for low humidity

......for flannel pajama bottoms

......for making fun of German accents

......for the evolution and fun of the English language

......for the Beatles

......for World Cup Soccer

......for Mobius tubes

......for the effectiveness of Falschirm

......for my king size bed

......for high speed dsl, on demand cable television, and satellite radio

......for my blog

......Ronnie G

......for my parents making sure I got an education

......for my family

......I had a great relationship with my grandparents.


Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Helmut is to blame for Tech mediocrity.

Before I got punished with a paddle at school, inevitably I would hear, 'this hurts me more than it is going to hurt you.'
Sorry bro...but I just can't stand to watch a good man falter into the abyss.
First, Helmut forgot the pirate flag at my house in Ft. Worth before the Frog Super Bowl. Not that we needed it, but that lack of focus in diehard Tech fans spilled over onto the team and led to a 5 loss season. Good job.
Second, you root for way too many college teams now. Where are you at? I could handle Colorado State, K-State, and Rice (who doesn't love Rice.) Weird but I put up with it. But now the damn Pigs! Blasphemous Bullshit! Your inner Texan must still be at the 95 Cotton Bowl. Need to check him out of the Bates Motel and get a grip. Arkansas? Dude, those inbreds were a scourge and blight on the Republic. Just because your nephew ruined his life by matriculating in FayetteNAM, doesn't mean you need to ruin yours. Think of the kids and don't go near the light Carol Anne. If you bought a Pig hat on ebay then I'm too late.
Helmut, it wasn't the refs, turnovers, lack of defense, Graham's Mizzou game pick 6's.....it was you!
But luckily, I am here to help. You need a retreat to Dosa to get your mind right. We have a highly specailized professional team ready to assist your rehabilitation. Until then, I think you need to become a S.P. and pay you debt.

OSU changes the name of Stillwater

From now on it will be called Lubbuck Station.

I think the only thing more annoying than the Okie Lite Band is the OU band. Can't wait until they get to Lubbock next year.

Tech outlasted the Orange. The Raiders couldn't score touchdowns on the one foot line, on two seperate occasions. Field goals were enough when one touchdown would have made the last play moot. Okie lite couldn't get a miracle on the last play. Good thing as I'm sure the meltdown would have been toxic.

Bowl games? We have to be the best 5 loss team in the nation, maybe the world! For reals people! My wishful guess is the Holiday bowl, our win avoided a trip to the Bourbon Bowl in Shrevetopia. The Wildkitties lost as did Misery, and that opens up Tech for more possibilities. Nebraska and Tech will travel well to the RIGHT game. Kitties and Okie Lite will if its fairly close. The Aggies will go anywhere as well but I'm guessing they will get Alamo because they can sell it out. The hub bub is the Gator wants the cheaters. That is the key.
The Holiday wants high scoring affairs. Tech is perfect. Boy would Cal relish another shot at us.

Bowl Championship Serious Bidness Prognostication. (assuming old army loses by one point to wronghorns, and cheaters beat Xerox State.)

BCS: wronghorns
Gator: Norman Car Imports
Cotton: Nebraska
Holiday: Texas Tech (hide and watch)
Alamo: Old Army
Insight: Missouri
Bourbon (formerly known as Weedeater): Wildkitties
Texas (formerly known as Furniture): Okie Lite
Sun: Kansas

.

Fun stuff on Al Gore interweb

Signs Link

Maggie was born a Michigan Fan.

Sometimes, despite the brainwashing and constant reinforcement, your kids choose a different path. This week is Michigan-Ohio State, #1 versus #2.



Maggie cant help it. She was born with a Michigan football helmet logo on her head. She grins like a crocodile when she hears "Hail to the Victors." Every time we are watching Sportscenter and a reference to Ohio State is made, Maggie snorts and buries her head in her paws. I guess its genetic. Maggie is a mix of Border Collie, German Shepherd, and Wolverine. Everyone thinks its Chow because of her blue tongue but they are so wrong.

Maggie is now 9 years old, and I haven't seen her this giddy since before the 2004 Rose Bowl. She still barks at Longhorns after that 4th quarter melt down. She made a Vince Young voodoo doll and threw it around like a T-bone covered in gravy for a week after that Michigan loss.

She is such a fan, and when she needs discipline, I tell her to go to the "Horseshoe" (tOSU stadium reference), and she proceeds to crawl up by the commode in my bathroom. She is so smart.

This morning she is so worked up she is tormenting a poodle, I think its because the poodle looked like Kirk Herbstreit.

Hopefully, Michigan will win so i dont have to send her to a pet psychologist.

The thrill of victory and the agony of Shreveport.

I deliberately forgot to mention Bowl scenarios for Tech.

I can't because I believe there are some behind close door deals being made. Just a hunch but if we lose I think the deals are off. Then its Shreveport unless the muckety mucks can figure out a way to replay the Frog Super Bowl. Win, and I think Tech will end up higher on the pecking order than other Big 12 schools with slightly better records. Maybe as high as Alamo.