Excuses, excuses, at the meat office.

This is just from this morning.

1. "I have to go to school and pick up my daughter. Theys says she got head lice.", says guy with permed mullet.

2. "Man I got a blowout in Lorenzo, you want me to come in tommorrow instead?".......I reply, "No, just get her fixed and come on in."..."hmmm ohhh okay. lemme do that."

3. "Sorry Im late. I took a wrong turn and now I'm by the airport." says the warehouse manager that has worked here for 7 months.

4. Blowout in Lorenzo calls back, "I kaint make it thare til later. They say they kaint get to me til later." Frustrated I say, "Well, just take tommorrow off too then call me on Monday and I will let you know if I need you to come in."

Preseason breakdown

This is a blanket analysis which covers all my favorite teams

It all depends on different things if we are going to win this season. It depends on if our offense scores when it has the ball. It also depends on whether our defense can stop other teams from scoring. It depends sometimes on whether our defense can score. Occasionally, it comes down to kicking game and special teams.

Coaching can make a difference. Play calling, organization, and preparation are keys to success. Often player execution can get overlooked, but it is a major factor in the success of a season. I figure if we have all of that, then we can win, especially if we are better than the other team and score the most points.

Predictions

Decatur Eagles: State Champs

We're due. We would win the whole deal for sure if we would go back to the cool "D" emblem with the sinister eye in the center of the D.



Texas Tech Red Raiders: National Champs or at least Big 12 Champs or maybe just a good bowl game.

I will will into reality with my Vulcan mind trick I learned at Scout camp.



Dallas Cowboys: Super Bowl Champions

Jerry is negotiating with Usain Bolt.

Only floss the teeth you wish to keep.

I was on Liberally lean and that guy does nothing but tackle the serious issues. He is like the Donahue for the 21st century. I use to go there every day about 16 to 24 times and then I realized it was e-crack. So now I only go there once or twice, and that is only when I'm on the internet. Moderation.

Funny thing about our new Employee applications. One line in the education section says COLLAGE instead of COLLEGE. I shit you not. I will provide "vicual proff" of this some other time as I am violating several Hippa or whatever laws and storing these valuable treasures for my tell all masterpiece on the Meat Biz.

Speaking of the Biz. We had a guy pass out in his motel room over the weekend. Evidently, he tried to drill out his tooth with a drill from Home Depot. After he woke up, he went back to Home Depot and got his money back because he said it, "wasn't the right size." I informed him in the staff meeting this morning that there was this new thing in town called a dentist. It brought the house down. Oh that witty collage manager is "fookin funnier than hell." The Los Angeles Times gives my staff meetings 3 and one half stars....

If and when I get a YOUTUBE channel, I can promise it will be the bomb and the shizzle.

T

The reason for my absense? Why so long? What gives?

This is easy. I was transported through time by the Tralfamadorians to Tralfamadore. And so it goes...then I got briefly detained by the state of Texas because I got caught up in the Mormon cult thingy in Eldorado...but then this judge decided to uphold this old document called the Constitution of the United States of America. You may of heard of it, it used to be all the rage in the tabloids on the late 18th and early 19th century before more impotant things like Brittany's crotch and celebrities adopting foreign children of the sweat shop workers that make there $800 signature handbags and perfume. Where was I?

Oh yes, they said I had to go to rehab, but guess what I said? I said no. Then I said it again. But after I said it like 400 times a day. I just didn't want to hear it anymore. So now I just...I just sit around mostly....AND

I work back at the meat office.

Just yesterday I laughed all day long because we had a new guy come in and fill out an application. The question on the standardized form reads, Have you had any tickets or accidents in the last five years? If yes, please explain. New guy puts. "Ya." Then puts, "no enshorins". Of course, he went to "MHS" as he states on application. I hired him. As they say in Animal House, "we need the dues."

I have gone through a change. (nothing sexual, although I might be willing to learn iykwimaityd.) Whatever I would have written on here would have been serious and sometimes uplifting just meaningful stuff....and NOT the shmarmy sarcasm that you the single reader come to expect on this forum. They say you should fake it until you make it. But I never really understand that.

NOT the shmarmy sarcasm that you the single reader come to expect on this forum

I dont like hypocrites, especially when it is me. So this is the time in life to point fingers and keep score. The only rules are that you have to be in front of mirror to play. Got that? I know what your thinkin. There he goes again.....or man is that fucked up...or I'm glad that's not me. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on the where and how of your circumstance of perpetual motion in time, you too can transport. So if you made it this far down without getting bored or moving on to bewbies.com or hateliberaltexans.org or doublefistedcashwhoringpoliticiansthathavegaysexatchurch.gov then I will let you behind the secret curtain of OZ.

I quit smoking over two months ago, then just for shakes and giggles, and believe me I was shakin......... I quit drinking. That was July 21st and despite the sentence structure and all over the place above, I haven't had a drink since.

SO. What have you guys been up to?

Keepin it Flat