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The reason for my absense? Why so long? What gives?

This is easy. I was transported through time by the Tralfamadorians to Tralfamadore. And so it goes...then I got briefly detained by the state of Texas because I got caught up in the Mormon cult thingy in Eldorado...but then this judge decided to uphold this old document called the Constitution of the United States of America. You may of heard of it, it used to be all the rage in the tabloids on the late 18th and early 19th century before more impotant things like Brittany's crotch and celebrities adopting foreign children of the sweat shop workers that make there $800 signature handbags and perfume. Where was I?

Oh yes, they said I had to go to rehab, but guess what I said? I said no. Then I said it again. But after I said it like 400 times a day. I just didn't want to hear it anymore. So now I just...I just sit around mostly....AND

I work back at the meat office.

Just yesterday I laughed all day long because we had a new guy come in and fill out an application. The question on the standardized form reads, Have you had any tickets or accidents in the last five years? If yes, please explain. New guy puts. "Ya." Then puts, "no enshorins". Of course, he went to "MHS" as he states on application. I hired him. As they say in Animal House, "we need the dues."

I have gone through a change. (nothing sexual, although I might be willing to learn iykwimaityd.) Whatever I would have written on here would have been serious and sometimes uplifting just meaningful stuff....and NOT the shmarmy sarcasm that you the single reader come to expect on this forum. They say you should fake it until you make it. But I never really understand that.

NOT the shmarmy sarcasm that you the single reader come to expect on this forum

I dont like hypocrites, especially when it is me. So this is the time in life to point fingers and keep score. The only rules are that you have to be in front of mirror to play. Got that? I know what your thinkin. There he goes again.....or man is that fucked up...or I'm glad that's not me. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on the where and how of your circumstance of perpetual motion in time, you too can transport. So if you made it this far down without getting bored or moving on to bewbies.com or hateliberaltexans.org or doublefistedcashwhoringpoliticiansthathavegaysexatchurch.gov then I will let you behind the secret curtain of OZ.

I quit smoking over two months ago, then just for shakes and giggles, and believe me I was shakin......... I quit drinking. That was July 21st and despite the sentence structure and all over the place above, I haven't had a drink since.

SO. What have you guys been up to?