Slaughterhouse Five

On my trip back home from Decatur, I listened to Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut on audio via CD. (Ethan Hawke does an amazing job on this.) It was great. I am definitely going to experience more books in this way.

Decatur

What Decatur really needs is a Barnes and Noble and a Costco and the cycle of Planoization will be complete. PROGRESS indeed!

Ponderosa Bar B Que

If your ever out Dickens way, be sure and grab some of this grub. Good people and excellent authentic Texan cuisine. Were talkin if you knew this was your last meal this is what you want good.

To whomever was doing the Seymour Lady Indians softball radio broadcast Friday night,

You guys need to bottle that up and sell it nationwide. Good stuff.

Guthrie bypass

Thank God it is almost done! The damn traffic in that town rivals the 405 in L.A. PROGRESS indeed! (I think "they" saw what happened to Austin in a decade and "they" aint gonna have that shit up in Guthrie by God.)

No Country for Old Men

I was having an almost perfect weekend. Old friends, family, pleasant and good times. Great ride there, great ride back, everything is all good. So I'm sitting with my locale buds at the gettin beer place. We are winding down and close to going home as we are discussing movies. I say Michael Clayton was cool. blah blah... I am Legend..blah blah.. Then outta nowhere K says, "Dont watch that No countree for ole men movee...it sucks!"

I say, "O'rly" (I am a huge fan of this movie and all that is Coen Brothers....as if you can't tell.)

K says, "I like that one dude with the cowboy hat and the monee...then all the sudden hees deaad..don know wha happen..what thee heell is tha?...and tha ending aint no ending."

Now R is looking at me and I am giving that look back that says this fucking guy is an illiteretard ....even though he is entitled to his opinion... even though it totally sucks. You know what I'm sayin?

Friday all over the place

-Business is good. I thought that making more money would make me happy and as it turns out, I was right. Like a rolling stone in reverse going uphill, now that i have something to lose I don't want to lose it.

-Helmut got back from his Ireland-Wales-Scotland trip. He said that the hookers over there are hotter than the American hookers here. Further proof that the United States is falling behind the rest of the world. Thanks for the Guinness hat:)

-Ron should get an Elvis jumpsuit and fat shades and just live his life walking around like that.

-Texas Tech baseball radio broadcasters are terrible. SO far this season, they have spent most of their time explaining how much "insider" information they know about Tech athletics. Which is great if that's what gets you off. As for me, I would like to know THE SCORE and the situation updated pitch by pitch....i.e. Baseball game announcing. I told their boss last night that I would still listen. I am not going to name names here, but a reliable inside source at the radio station confirmed just last night that they are training a chimp and a three year old to take over next season. For $139 dollars you too can get the rest of the scoop.

-The Big Dance-March Mayhem-Madness-Mania update. If Texas makes it to the final game , and Davidson wins tonight but loses Sunday, and UMass advances to the third place game of the NIT, then I can get in the tie breaker for 4th place. Damn Duke screwed me.

-Jericho got canceled AGAIN. I got into the show 3 weeks ago. Basically, the show is about a big company staging a nuclear "terrorist" attack on the U.S. and using this to take over the government...blah, blah, blah....that'll never happen. Hey CBS...what happened to all of the Hispanics? Did they die?

-Finally, Kinsey is the coolest person in Lubbock County next to Ron if he indeed decides to spend his life in an Elvis jumsuit with fat shades.

Suit UP or Shut UP!

Liberally Lean

(dont worry wisereunion.com...I'm bringing my own rope...I'm coming home just to see you:)

Please pay attention to the anonymous soldier comment. No one can be for certain how authentic it is, but I believe this is one of our own in Iraq, and it gives me great patriotic pride to know that this person wears the uniform and is unafraid to state his (or her) mind. May you get home and live a long and happy life!


As for the rest of it. Please read and enjoy this classic by John Conlee.

Hey Ron!

Funny or Die

Green Team and Ron Burgundy's interviews are cool. Will Ferrell and anything with the little girl named Pearl is genius.

I'd Rather Eat Arby's Out of an Old Man's Butthole

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read.

I'd Rather Eat Arby's Out of an Old Man's Butthole

Love that money..yow!

Dear Lord baby Jesus, or as our brothers in the south call you, "Jezus," we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome striking sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin' wife Carley, who is a stone cold fox.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKDC2iBQTYg&NR=1

Cruisin down the street in my 64

Shatner's birthday

There are two kinds of people in this world. There are Chuck Norris fans and there are Shatners. I'm a Shatner.

There are distinctions between the two. Chuck Norris peeps watch Conan(which is ghey)...are toothpaste tube roller uppers, and make up retarded comments about the stock market and economy. "The Feds going to have to bail us out again."....whatever Dude...Usually, but not always...the Norris peeps majored in something completely boring in college like Accounting. They also have Creed songs on their Ipod and think its cool to put the headphones to your ear and make you listen. Ya and also they still say 'brah' and 'wasssss up' and put their arms in the air during football games 'dont leave me hangin...BRAH.'

Shatner has followers. In fact, if Shatner started a religion (which he should) it would be bigger than Elvis. Especially after Shatner intervenes on the Earth's behalf in 2012 and stops the Mayan apocalypse, which I read last night is being covered up by the government to avoid a global panic. No PANIC HERE....Shatner is on it!

Want more proof? Who is the better cop? Walker: Texas Ranger (which is totally offensive to real Texans and real Texas Rangers by the way) or T. J. Hooker. Just look at the opening credits of each show and hands down its Hooker.
Who is the better badass? Some movie about death karate or Star Trek? There is no contest. Shatner does the babes, whups the Romulans and Klingons ass at the same time, and still has energy left over to 5 movies. When will the Walker movie be out? Exactly.

Norris does a nice job of pitching home gyms, i will give him that...still not even half the salesman Shatner is. Priceline.com versus 12 second abs...See?

This post was supposed to be about William Shatner turning 77. He does today.

My Saturday in Lubbock

First, I went to the mall EARLY. It was great not having to wade through the throngs of illegals buying faux gold longhorn chains and pimping their cell phones at the cell phone pimping kiosk. I shit you not people...they gots that here!

I was done at Dilliards by 11:30. I was lucky to find the one polo left that didn't look like it was designed by the rap group Kriss Kross. ALL I want is a blue shirt, small red horse on pocket...not that hard. It was until i got some help. Thanks to the coolest salesperson I was able to get my dealio and get out before the Goliad reinactment took place...ya, ya...i know..I being back handed...so what.

I watched the Longhorns beat the land theives in basketball with the Maggie dawg. She is slowing down but doing great.

I met up with Plecker at Bash's about 3:30. I had a bloody mary and taught a 20 something Co-ed how to operate a vintage jukebox. I played Jump by Kriss Kross. It was wickity wickity wickity wack. I love Bash's. It is the ultimate in people watching. I stayed there quite a while. Plecker took off for a kid birthday party. I felt bad for him. Kid birthday parties are the suckage....unless your the kid.

About 8pm, I met the other three Democrats in Lubbock County. Very good times! The mom, daughter, boyfriend trio was full of great stuff. We hit it off immediately and talked for hours. Then they convinced me to go to a house party in Tech Terrace. It was quite a scene. Kids drinking beer and picking guitar. I got hit up for a beer run. I felt like I was back in school for a while. We were the only people dancing. I was the oldest male there.

The night ended sorta bad. I was dancing with the daughter and boyfriend got jealous. So they had a little spat but nothing major. So we all left. It was too bad for me, I really liked that one.

I had a Josie's juevos ranchero burrito on the way home. Somewhere in all that I managed to win a trivia game and beat my alltime high score at Galaga.

Gary Stewart is the greatest honky tonk singer of all time