Monday, November 26, 2007

If symptoms continue..

This is day 87 or so of coughing, sneezing, and general bad health. I think last year was the only time I did not get ill during the change in seasons. I didn't work, I ate healthy, and lost a ton of weight because I was getting pumped at the gym. The weight is still off, I eat semi-healthy, and I get little aerobic exercise. I am sick because I work all the time.

Work=sick and Unemployed=healthy.

That doesn't exactly fit into Immanuel Kant's 'categories', but I'm no German philosopher and all I wonder about is how cool it was for him to just sit around and think and write. From what I remember from college, he isolated himself from his friends, and made up this stuff to ponder that hardly anyone other than the professors and eager debate students really cared to understand. I was the debater that quoted him, but didn't fully grasp the content. However the perception that I did understand come to find out proves some of his writing true....I guess.

One thing I like about my limited knowledge and understanding of philosophy, is that it's like hanging out with fat people. First, most people I hang out with have no knowledge whatsoever. Those that do cant keep it straight. So by comparison, I feel better about myself having a 38 waist than having a 50 size IQ. It's all about space and time in this reality of dimensions.

Chick movies I like

I saw this movie called The Holiday this weekend. I guess it came out last year. It was good. I hate to admit this, but I watched way too much football this weekend and needed something different. Because I'm comfortable in my sexuality, I can admit that I like chick flicks.

Maggie Dawg Update

The greatest dog of all times is in good shape, although I think she is starting to slow down now. I use to get upset at her when she would crawl in bed while i was gone, spreading hair, leaves, and dirt all over the sheets. Now that she is 10, I don't get upset. I am just glad she is around to irritate me. What will irritate me more is when she isn't going to be around. Here's to a good 6 more years.

Political Pundit Shows

I tried to watch Meet the Press and be interested. The only thing I like about the show now is all of the historical footage from shows past. The current show with Tim Russert is good, but the content is just too depressing. Only so many ways to try and spin chicken shit into chicken salad.

The best of Sunday Morning jerk

CBS had an interview with Steve Martin yesterday morning. I never get tired of seeing that wild and crazy guy play the banjo. He said that he quit stand-up many years ago and has never been back, but I sure wish he would. One of my favorite songs as a kid was King Tut.

Worst last name ever.

I'm interviewing a man with the last name BASTARDO in the morning. It was hell holding in my laughter over the phone while booking that appointment. (looking at resume') "So Misterrrrr Bastardo? and your first name?...let's just go with that. What was your family life like growing up?...hahahaha..just kidding."

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Thanks for nothing

Stay sexy Lubbock, you beautiful city by the bay! We got our first freeze a few weeks back, but now that turkeys are being glazed and the cotton is being stripped it's that time to give unwarranted (or unwauranteed) wisdom. I serve it up cold.

1. I give thanks that I'm not eating a Thanksgiving dinner in L.A. made by El Pollo Loco (it's a fast food chain) while wondering if my now ex- girlfriend is going to give me another scratch and right cross. It's the thought that matters this time of year, or is that saying reserved for Xmas? In any case, all I can say to you is, if the dinner sucks, order out to Pedro's Tamales.

2. I am thankful that I have no outstanding warrants or judgements like many of my employees do. Just today I got a letter from the Attorney General of Texas ordering such and such and lawyer talk to take money from an employee and give it to their office. I would do so, but the guy is an independent contractor. (Please feel free to give advice below on this if you know what I'm supposed to do here, my corporate office hasn't the slightest idea what to do either.)

3. I think it is remarkable how many people are hooked on dope, getting divorced, and have 6 children by four different parents. I don't know if that makes sense, but I think its great that despite my problems, others have it much worse. Face!

4. I am thankful that in 2007 The Police decided to tour again. That is the best thing that happened in my opinion. That and the fact that Notre Dame has lost 9 games. Must be a sign of the end times.

5. I think I made a decision regarding my personal political and religious beliefs. First, no religion. Second, no politics. Third, I worship the giver of unconditional love, the Maggie dog. But I am looking into Scientology, just for kicks. I was thinking of getting my salespeople some Bibles they could give away with every sale just to cover my ass if I'm wrong. (For those of you playing along at home, that is satire.)

6. If the devil is six, then God is Seven. The Pixies rock, and I'm thankful I am cool like the cool kids still whilst the rest of you are paying two grand so your offspring can see Billy Ray Cyrus's jail bait daughter. Achy Breaking your broke overmortaged behind on the 3 year lease payment on the 13 mile a gallon Hummer you thought would be pratical had the government not invaded a country for no reason but did it anyway because they lied to you and knew that you wouldn't really care. Time to unpimp your ignorance and get a VEEEE DUBYAH!

7. I am thankful for grain fed Black Angus cattle producers and meat packing plants. Without you I would still be struggling, and I am happy to be your middle man between you fine folks and the red meat eating world. Never mind that I eat organic food. Self corruption has an upside.

Ocho. I am thankful for my friends and family, and some but not all of the people I work for and with. Eat, be happy, and take a nap.