Fox and Hound videos (if I ruled the world)

Management of Fox and Hound, here my plea. Make a Kingfish video. Put it on, and play it continuously until I leave. That is all I ask.

Druggie revisited

The owner of our company is big softie and hired the drug addict back. He promptly returned from a days work with the truck damaged. Evidently, he found time during his hectic day of scoring hits to sell some meat. I just dont know how he does it, but he must have composed himself between tweaks and winks to close a deal or three.

Nothing good will come of this....

Josephina Dirt brought her 15 year old daughter to work today. She said, "she has a project due for career day at school. is it ok if she rides with me and learns something."

Totally caught offguard and containing the inner laugh I replied, "ummmm yeah, well as long as she doesn't drive I'm ok with that."

"Oh she aint drivin on the highway, just going to follow along the street as I knock doors."

I'm thinking, what part of "as long as she doesn't drive" do you not understand.

"Ummm no, just let her tag along and help with the boxes."

They look at each other in the way that I just know they aren't going to comply. You know the look.

She flips her mane and says, "well okay."

Dude, it's Kashmir!

Stories from the Meat Office

We have a new Joe Dirt, except this one is a woman. Picture Kentucky waterfall hairdo on a skinny chick that likes old fast cars. I swear, I am not making this up.

The best part is, that with her we have FINALLY been able to crack into the goldmine of business in and around trailer park communities. Thats right people! Don't judge. The first thing you need to know about trailer parks is, these people have a surprising amount of disposable income. Second, they have a big appetite for great steak. It's January and most people are recieving their tax refund checks so its party time. I love America!

When one doors opens, another closes...or something like that. While we added a bright new star to our team, we lost another. Our recovering crack/meth/alcoholic hit on the wrong door (evidently a crack house), and he was promptly tempted and obliged. Then amazingly, he went on a selling spree that crashed and burned out last week. I had to fire him the other night for attempting to sell our company truck and stealing company money. Such a shame because I thought he was going to beat it. WRONG. But through his difficult trials to come in coping with addiction, I hope he learns one thing. In America, only the government can sell something they dont own and you damn sure can't sell a meat truck to a car lot in Lubbock, without a clear title.

Moving On

I am major pumped about a new bowling shirt my mom got me on her visit to Graceland. It's badass, and if you see me at Fox wearing it, YOU will say something cool to me. That's what I like about it the most. Not that it looks good on me, but it brings a good positive vibe over people around me. Isn't that cool?


Say Anything clip

Mayor of Lubbock?

My friend Bob Plecker thinks I should run for mayor of Lubbock. Let me rephrase that, when Bob Plecker is drinking beer, he thinks I should be mayor of Lubbock. I can't lie, I would like to do that job. But before I would agree to even run for that office, I would need some kind of platform or ideas to put forth to better the biggest small town in America.

Idea #1-Mayor of Lubbock gets $2 pints in all bars in town. (this one seems selfish but trust me when I state this, we need a mayor that knows the pulse of the people and the bars here are a great reflection of the general welfare here.)

Idea #2-All city employees will be required to speak with a heavy Texan accent while at work. I have no good reason to do this, I just think it will be funny.

Idea #3-Make the McDougals purchase a small Carribean island and 2 Jumbo jets then deed it over to the city. Then citizens can petition me on how they got screwed over by them and I can make arrangements to get them out of town for some vacation. Will bill em for the gas.

Idea #4-The city will build a new Buddy Holly museum worthy of the man's achievements. Then we can get the Depot back as at was circa 1989.

Idea #5-Rock and Roll festival that kicks major ass. And if this means cededing the Jones for a week to get a beer at the show...then SO BE IT. If Tech doesn't like it they can move to Lazbuddie. I probably cant make this happen, but you have to admit that would be great. Warm Summer evenings...cold beer..STONES, U2, WILLIE!

Idea #6-HELLO....ITS WINDY HERE EVERY DAY! Make LP&L build wind farms until we generate enough power to sell to the Yankees living along the I-35 corridor. Just think, LP&L slogan could be....so good, we pay you to live here!


Platform- I know, I know, I know....it's the cameras stupid! Here it is. How about we take all of the cameras and send them to Afghanistan. Then the army can put them up all over the place there to help find Bin Laden. Just because they cant find him in eight years doesn't mean I have to spend the rest of my life being watched every waking second. This is Lubbock, Texas and there is no need to live in a police state that makes East Berlin look like Club Med.


Other than the facts like I have no real experience in city administration or politics and I have strong disdain for bureuacrats. I do have a promise. I will not screw it up as bad as the last three or four mayors have, and I will not take a bribe unless its a really huge check and I can do it legally.

Football season end game

Another season is officially over for me. I dont care about the Super Bowl. Insert Duane Thomas quote here.

Here is a review of my teams and performance in order of emotional importance.

1. Texas Tech-Good season, would have been great had we beat Texas in Austin. After that game, all was lost then the Red Raiders went and beat OU. Plus they won the Gator Bowl and my mom won me a Gator Bowl watch at the game...thanks mom.

2. Decatur Eagles- Playoffs as usual. I think they won a game there, or maybe not. Need to get to a couple of those games next year, but season tickets for Tech take priority.

3. Dallas Cowboys- The first season I have taken more than a casual interest in a decade. My casual interest turned to obsession for about the last month. Somehow, I knew it was a bad deal to get involved again. I could go on and on about this. This video expresses my emotions today.

The Dirt Doctor and the funny stuff you like to read here

I am preparing for a big garden. I was actually doing the plan today and researching some stuff online when I ran across The Dirt Doctor.

http://www.dirtdoctor.com/newhome.php

Things that surprise me about this site.

1. The Dirt Doctor is a Tech grad.

2. He has been on the radio for some time...IN D-FW. I haven't been paying attention.

3. The Forums are lively with discussion, which is nice because I have conflicting advice on gardening so far.


Kingfish Garden Items

Vegetables:

3 varieties of tomatoes (roma, beefsteak, and something else)
squash
corn
okra
black eyed peas
spinach
carrots
broccoli
onions

Herbs:

basil
oregano
3 types of hot peppers (Serrano, Anaheim, and something else not habanjero)
bell peppers (green and red)
garlic
cilantro
chives
mustard greens

I WANT A MINIATURE DONKEY!!!!!

I wonder if it is against city ordinance. I wonder if I can get a farm exemption. I wonder if the donkey will tear shit up. What good can come of this, other than having a mini donkey around. Probably wont happen, but I am thinking of making an addition to our small family here. Maggie (thats my dog) is getting older and I think another dog might help keep here on her toes.

I have my heart set on either a German Shepherd or a Boston Terrier or both. The problem is more dogs equals more problems, such as feeding and care. But nevertheless, I am jealous of my friend Todd. He has a Boston Terrier named Yoda. I call him Yaz, because I am a Red Sox fan and I think all dogs of this breed should be named after Red Sox baseball players. Somebody cool out there has a Boston Terrier named Curt or Manny or Popi. I might go with Ted. If you dont get it, then you just dont.

As for German Shepherds, we have always had great luck with this breed in my family. In fact, Maggie is half German and half Border Collie. Would kill to have another dog like her again in this lifetime, but its hard to exceed perfect. With that thought, I may just stand pat with the old Maggie Dog and stop with her after she is gone. Boy I hate to think about that, but one day there will be no more Maggie. I always wondered how much money I would have to cough up to get her cloned. Much cheaper to get a taxidermist involved......AND...

Why not get her stuffed! After all, people get animals stuffed after they shot them. Weird how they never lived with the animal or even gave it a name, but instead shot it and now have it prominantly hung over the fireplace. Nothing wrong with that, right? Then why would it be wierd to have a much beloved family pet stuffed? "Yep, that's old Scraps over there...we got him posed that way cause he loved to piss on the geraniums....and over thare's Fifi...damn poodle loved to hump the chair."

What's up at the Meat Office?

Other than getting two trucks repo'd and firing 6 people, nothing much. I hear the Christmas party was a huge success (out for personal reasons). Success being defined as only two folks were strung out on hallucinagenic and psycolotrophic narcotics. Other than that, there was nothing more than your average copying your ass on the Xerox type banter and fun. In abstentia, I got a plaque that said TOP SALESMAN. I got it the other day and I was so proud of myself until I found out that 8 other people got the same plaque. I wonder if that would look good on a resume?

Got a phone call from a guy that was looking for work, so I booked him an interview.

He asked, "Do you accept felonies?"

I said, "depends on what kind..is it like a murder or rape type felony? or an average type theft felony?"

"Which one do you accept?"

I said, "well tell me, do you have a driver's liscence?"

"no man, they takes it away cause I aint paid up my child support."

"hmmmm...well, I am sorry for the confusion but I thought it was clear from the ad that we needed driver's."

"ya well, I just wanted to make sure."

"Thanks for coming in..good luck"

In my mind I hear the voice of Lumbergh....UMMMM YEAH OKAY.

The AD in Pravda said plainly, Driver's wanted...work today get paid today..etc, etc.