Alex and Naomi

Shootout at The Golden Corral

I met Alex and Naomi at the Golden Corral after work. I just had to meet the woman that brought Twila into the world. Twila was late, so Alex, Naomi, and I decided to go inside and start the dinner without her. Right away, I knew I liked Alex. He was tall and skinny for his surprising height. Alex Caro stood 6'6, or maybe he just looked taller with the plastic back brace covering his brush popper shirt from the early 90's. He also had a finely groomed grey 'mulletino', it wasn't permed but you could tell he had spent a great deal of time on it. I'm sure that he has had the same hair style since the 70's and was proud that it had grayed out. Alex has a smile as big as Dallas, and I could tell that he loved life and everything about it.

Naomi Caro was everything I thought she wasn't when picturing her daughter. Naomi was polite, gentle, patient, and listened intently to every word. You could tell where Twila had gotten her figure. Naomi's face wore the years of bouncing around husbands and it had been a little hard on her. But even still, she looked pleasant. You just knew right away that the Caro's has at last found some love and peace and they were enjoying it. I liked them right away, and I could tell that they liked me.

"So do you like the Cwboyzz?" Alex asked with a smile. It seems that back in his native San Luis Potosi, the Dallas Cowboys were very popular. Even though Alex had moved from there 30 years ago, he still never lost that native accent. From now on, I will refer to America's team as simply, the CWBOYZZZ. Emphasis on the end.

I said,"Yes, I grew up not far from the stadium in Irving. Never missed a game on television as a kid. You ever been to a game?"

Alex said, "No god damnit, I always gots to gos to work earlys. But not anymore. Pendejo's fucked up my back, man. I got my cheque so I'm going to take it easy." Then he started laughing. He had the gleam in his eye of a lottery winner you see on the news.

Naomi said, "Al, we can't just live like the Trump's now. We need to save that money in case you need another surgery."

Alex smiled at his wife, "Your right, but we are going to see the Cwboyzz finallies. Donald Trump can kiss my ass. You ever watch the Prentice?"

I started laughing, he knew that I found his accent humorous, so he hammed it up. Alex is good people. So I decided to play back. "The Prentice, I could win that show totallies, man."

They looked at each other for a second to decide if that was a foul or not, then Naomi started smiling and cracking up first. It was by far the best meal conversation I had had in a while, that is until the Texas Tornado came rushing through in a pink mini skirt and Harley Davidson tank top on. Twila entered the dining room looking to chew some ass.

"Why don't you evar answer your fucking cell phone?" At first I thought she was talking to Naomi, because I wasn't aware that Twila had my number. I was wrong, she wanted a piece of me in front of her parentals.


"Nice to see you too, Twila. I had it off because I didn't want to interrupt the meal."

Twila swelled up and blasted, "My car broke down on the Loop. I had to hitch hike over here and give a trucker a blowjob for a ride."

Naomi squealed, "Twila Jolene Barr, you didn't!"

Twila smiled, "just fuckin with ya." Then announced to the table. "Russ thinks I'm a whore and fuck evarbody in sight."

The parents immediately glared at me as if I had pissed my pants and been spitting up food like an invalid. I wanted to die.

Twila then rushed off to the buffet line as I sat there and squirmed in the awkward silence. Nobody knew what to say. Twila returned with a plate of cakes and cookies, salad, and a diet Tab.

"Ididn't he cute ya'll?" Twila was beaming.

"I think you inbarrased him Twilazz." Finally, Alex to the rescue!

"You need to watch your mouth young lady. It's not polite to come in here acting like a tramp." Naomi scolded.

"NAAOMI, I wuz just kiddin. He's a sweetie and its fun to watch him puff up and get all red." Twila felt no remorse as she alternated bites between the German chocolate and the harvest salad. I sat still in puffiness. To hell with Twila, there is no hope.

"Well hurry up and finish your food, we want to get there and back home in time so Al can watch the Busch series qualifyin. Twila, we just got a satellite installed. Al and me, we just love it. It can even record stuff and we don't need no VCR no more."

"Yeah Naaomi, it's called a fucking Dee Vee Ess and it can record faster."

"Twillazz, hurry up I want to check out the boatzz!"

Naomi sat there 'inbarassed' and looks straight at me and says, "I don't know what a nice man like yew is doin with Twila."

I was about to answer then Twila butts in, "Naaaomi, he liikes me cuz I love on him good." Then she just grins and chews at me and then back at her mother. They both smile and get that look on there face that women get when they know they hold some power over their men.

(Somewhere in my subconscious, Prince is singing Pussy Control.)

Alex looked at me devilishly and was smiling. He didn't say anything and he didn't have to. We have a connection that all men have, and we acknowledged it in that look. They have that power and is much as we hate it, we love it. I don't think I recognized that within me until Twila stated the obvious.

I'm screwed. I don't like it, but I need it. The mantra begins again.

The South Plains Boat Show

Someone once told me, that Lubbock has the most per capita boats in the State of Texas. This is remarkable because there is only one lake worthy of boat travel in the county, and in other parts of the state this 'lake' would be referred to as a pond. In fact, there are only two more 'lakes' within a 150 mile radius of Lubbock, Texas and for the boating parts of the year, these lakes are suffering from drought. Nevertheless, Lubbock has boats and a big ass boat show three times a year.

I grew up water skiing and boating as a child, but I never really got into the 'motorhead' boating mentality of what boat is really better than the other. If it runs, doesn't leak, and can pull a skier out of the water, it is a good boat to me. I remember my father spending small fortunes each summer to tune up and maintain our family boat. It was a constant chore for us all before, during, and after each outing. It was worth it if we used it often, but as the years went on we went less frequently, and then we just stopped all together.

Being back at the Boat Show rekindled some of the great memories of my youth on the water. I was surprised how much boating technology has improved. I was also not surprised at how proud the manufacturers are of their plexi-fiber creations. Boats cost alot of money. But little do people know, they cost alot more to keep afloat.

Twila spent most of her time there perusing the redneck wear shops that dot the sides of these type shows. You would think that Body Glove, or Quiksilver apparel items would be frequent, but they aren't. This is Lubbock. There was everything from Western Wear to biker wear. Twila tried to put a 'doo-rag' on my head with a skull figure riding a dirt bike with flames sporting the sides. She said I would look "hot" with it on. She made me try it on my head, then took it off and smarted.

"It don't look good on you."

I could tell she was disappointed. I wasn't.

Next she devoured some sort of fried sugary chocolate covered pastry. I hesitate to use the term 'pastry', but that is the most accurate description. I passed on that as well.

"I wouldn't look good on me." I said, then I made an obscure reference from Caddyshack to the gang.

"But it looks good on you though." They didn't get it.

And so it went. Twila was looking at trash like a child staring at a vending machine in the restaurant lobby. You know, the ones where you stick a quarter in and try and fetch a cheap doll of some sort out. Naomi bought her a Gucci knockoff purse. It was purple and the size of a football. From then on, whenever I needed to find Twila in a crowd, I could just look for neon purple football.

Don't judge a book by its cover

Alex spent the day with me in tow looking at yachts and other expensive boats. It was the same conversation over and over.

"Man, this one looks fuckin nice, man." Big smile as he gawked.

The sales-showman would try and avoid Alex, probably because he estimated a 6'6 Mexican in mulletino and brush popper backbrace would be unworthy of purchase would finally come over and ask me.

"Would you like to get inside, sir?"

Alex would say, "Yeah, can we look at it inside. How musch is it, man"

Then they would again look at me and say $35,000 or $110,000 or $500,000 and then Alex would whisper.

"God Damnit, fuck that man, thas too musch."

But Alex never got too disappointed, and he enjoyed looking at each and every boat. I don't know if he noticed the judgmental racism, if he did, he never complained or said so. I noticed and wondered if they only knew. I couldn't rub two dimes together and Alex could probably buy whatever he wanted. But I was white with short hair and I had a tie on. Looks can be deceiving.

On the way out, he finally admitted.

"I would have bought that one boat me and youzz wuz lookin at." I didn't know which particular of the 200 he was talking about, but I went along.

"Why didn't you buy it, Alex?"

"Motherfuckin pendejo, I didn't like how hez talkin to me. Fuck that guy man. I'm goin to buy my cousin Hectors boat and fix it up."

"Good plan, Alex."

I really liked him.

We walked to the car to leave, Naomi pulled me aside and gave me a big hug. She looked at me like I was one of her own. She didn't say anything at all except, "It was soo niice to meet yew." The way people hug you says alot, and it told me she liked me with Twila.



I'm joining the Mexican Navy