Apartment with view of the side of the pool.

SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET EMOOOOOOOOOO SHUN.
rinse lather
Repeat

Talk about things and nobody cares

My apologies to Aerosmith, let's get that out of the way. The whole Imus thing, it's like an Eurythmics song lyric. "Some of them want to use you, some of them want to abuse you...everybody is looking for something." Hold your head up Imus. Moving on. I'm en fuego today.


My get up and go must have got up and went

I haven't been to the gym in a couple of weeks. I am still riping weight off like a Deal A Meal testimonial. The hot leasing agent asked me if I wanted to lay out by the pool with her this afternoon. It's 60 fucking degrees outside. Can you say headlights? I'm so there. My get up and go has returned from sabbatical all the sudden. I'm going to wear a Speedo thong, some black socks, white tennis shoes, and a pair of goggles. I transcend sexual chocolate with whip cream on top.


Your Daddy said I took you just a little too far

I wonder, does a hot leasing agent ask you to the pool because she digs your chili? I'm thinking yes. She diggeth thouest chili. I always knew there were women that dug the unemployed and emotionally damaged, but I never thought one would like me. Charlie Bucket finds a golden ticket, and I find a brunette slender leasing agent from Levelland. I have good intentions, but she will never command the remote in this casa. "Cause your so Smooth." Que up the Santana and the dude that whores out from Matchbox 20!

Stand in the front just a shaking you ass

I miss karaoke. I use to do it quite a bit. I only really know 4 songs to do and I even though I suck at The Clash, it makes me feel so damn good to do it. Who knows, if things go right today, I could take her to the pool hall for $1.50 drafts and the butchered musical montage of overweight women singing Jesus take the Wheel and The Rose. New York has the Village, Lubbock has cheap beer. Lifestyle downgrade has its advantages.

Talk about something you'll be sure and understand

What do I talk about? 26 years old leasing agent, I better brush up on my boy band knowledge on the google before I go. I will spare her my critique of the Saturday morning Menudo show circa mid 80's on ABC. Instead, I will focus on things Carson Daly would know, even though he annoys me and I can't watch his show. Chicks dig his chi. Maybe I better just shut up and pour the drinks. Much better idea.

What would Burt Do?

Thats all you need to ask yourself. Some people have Buddha, others have Jesus, and some have a rabbi,cleric, or priest to seek advice and counsel. I have Burt Reynolds movies. Like Burt, I could never get the woman I really wanted, like he couldn't close on Sally Fields. Complicated and delusional, I know. But nonetheless, the comparison in mind is valid. You can also conclude on your own as to the sanity part of that as well.

Burt would just be Burt. Laugh, ask questions, and wink. I might have to go to the costume shop for some fake chest hair, but if I can be the Burt from Stroker Ace or SATB, then I am gold.

The End

You live and you learn, you know? I am going to be completely blunt and state right away, this deal will end bad. Sure, she will be taken with me. I know this. But then, in about a couple of months when she realizes that I'm not going to change or give up the remote, or get a real job at Starbucks; she will get angry. We will fight and then she will leave.

It's not a maybe, this is a most definite conclusion. If you like to read the ending of novels before starting, then you are in for a treat in this saga.

I'm too cool for pool