I should have become a motivational speaker.

I am going to die, I will expand on that but first.

I realized today, if i am fortunate and things work out, I can retire in a few years poorer than I am today. That is of course if I dont get shot by a 6 foot African American male in his late teens to early twenties wearing baggy pants and a bandana. I also need to side step West Nile Virus, Bird Flu, Mad Cow disease, and Ebola. If I take exquisite care to exercise my body and diet properly I might dodge cancer, heart disease, and diabetes. Doubtful, colon cancer is almost a certainty now because of gender and I already have hypertension. I can overcome that if I detect it early enough, thats what you say to yourself. By the way, I also have to avoid becoming a traffic fatality or freak accident victim. If I do all that I can probably get out alive for retirement.

I dont think 'retirement' in the sense of going to Florida, playing golf, hanging chads, and running for complex president seems ideal to me. I would rather keep being of use and value. Then when I can't do, I want out. Like I have stated before, I would like to have a second twenties again at about age 65. Maybe go back to college and pledge a fraternity. Give back in a real way rather than simply fade into Elks Lodge meeting hell. Live and experience rather than be what your supposed to be. All I need is money and a shitload of it because at the rate of decreasing value; yada yada yada I have ADD.


How hard can it be? This is America, right! Anything is possible. I am not going to sit here a type sunshine up your ass. Thats not how I roll. But I do think it can be done. It's just not going to get done at the present clip of events. It damn sure isn't going to manifest itself. I feel like the duality of Private Pyle and Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in Full Metal Jacket. At the same time I trying to hide my fat assed ineptness and insecuruty, I am yelling,

IF GOD WANTED YOUR ASS UP THERE HE WOULD HAVE MIRACLED IT UP THERE BY NOW...GET THE FUCK OFF MY OBSTACLE COURSE!

What was I saying?

I am going to die. In one month I become 35. I divided the years up so far this way. I've been an idiot for about 20 years, since I was 15. I was a good kid before that. What do I want to be like for the next 20, assuming that I dont befall the shit above, and what do I want to really do? Then further, after the next 20 do I just re-evaluate then or should i 'map' it out now? Probably useless to 'map out' 40 years when I can figure out what I want to be. You got to do that first.

Then Map.

Seize the day, then sieze the wine, then whine about the days ceased.

All of that is good constructive "THOUGHTS", but there is really nothing new, revealing or motivating. I know me. I am not really going to change. There is no sense in getting all riled up about nothing because the real deal is, nobody is going to recognize their lives 5 to 10 years from now, maybe sooner. The way that the world is and the reactions in our country lead me to believe a massive bloodletting is in the offing. Without getting into specifics of the how, when, why, or conspiracy. It just is going to happen. Inevitable as inevitable gets.

I could be wrong. Peace may break out in the Middle East. Africa may discover Agriculture. MDA may find a cure. Louisiana may become a beacon of honesty. Texas Tech might win the National Championship. I might find a woman to live with.

I could go on and on, but only the wars will.