Hello, my name is Kingfish...and I have a Dancing with the Stars problem. I have been a fan for just this season. Who can pass up watching Jerry Springer, Slater (Mario Lopez), and Emmitt Smith? It's like crystal meth bubblegum and Hee Haw rolled into television.
The ultimate final has come to pass. Well almost, I was really hoping that the viewers would vote the cheese that is Jerry Springer (genius) as the champion. It would have been the greatest en masse practical joke since the Democrats nominated Michael Dukakis to run for President. Instead, Springer fell by the wayside as did Joey Lawrence last night. The final two are Emmitt and Mario.
Enter internal conflict. Who to root for? Nevermind voting, that would be grounds for turning in my man card. But alas, I stand in turmoil.
On one hand, we have Mario Lopez. He gets points for having dated Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle, and that great actress from the movie Showgirls (whatshername that was the smart domonatrix). Saved by the Bell is the greatest show of all times! He gets negative points for The Metrosexual View, and being Slater the nemesis of the archetype greatness of Zach. Besides the fact he is obviously the better dancer, I am unsure because the other hand is Emmitt.
Emmitt Smith, aka the Ultimate Warrior is by far my favorite Dallas Cowboy since Gary Hogeboom. His dance partner is so hot she melts paint three states away. Emmitt is also the most fun to watch because he brings the funk. He gets points for being Emmitt and not being party to the Metrosexual View. He gets negative points for not being on Saved by the Bell.
My heart says Emmitt, my head says Mario. My friends say hell to pay for divulging this obsession.
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2 comments:
ahem~ I don't even know you...but I've read your blog long enough to be worried about you. have you checked your temperature lately?
i did feel a bit sick yesterday.
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