It dont matter whos down in Austin!

Bob Wills is still the king! I never get tired of that music. My grandparents were even bigger fans. They use to go square dance every week to some Western Swing joint in or around Ft. Worth. My favorite song of all time is 'Faded Love'. I am also always happy to hear 'Milk Cow Blues' and 'Eighter from Decatur.'

By my screwed up standards, Bob Wills has to be the one of the greatest Texans of all time! I know that every summer the town of Turkey has a big Bob Wills festival. Its down there in the most beautiful part of the entire State of Texas. Turkey barely sits in Hall County but is next to metropolitan area of Quitaque, TX.

Speakin of Quitaque, One of our dearest poker buddies is from there. He is the best assistant football coach in the history of LISD. Cant mention his name of yet because I dont have his permiso. Maybe I can get an interview with him on my bird huntin expose.

The bottom line is you just dont meet or visit with anybody finer than those great people of West Texas. God Bless all y'all.

Well anyway, Bob Wills is the king, and I've decided to go on a honky tonk kick for the next two weeks....watch out liver!

Mr. Belding vs. Lumbergh

How bored are you, an even better question is how bored was I to come up with this epiphany in traffic on I-35? The thing that sucks is this is the second time I have had to write this tonight. SO I hope and pray you enjoy this. Let me know.


Fistfight: Lumbergh, no contest. It might be a better fight between A. C. Slater and Lumbergh. Lumbergh has a slight reach, speed, and strength advantage which comes up huge in fights over 5 rounds. It wouldn't go that far because Belding is a pansy. Belding may get saved by the bell, but he cant beat comittment to excellence of Bill Lumbergh.

Debate: Belding wins. Sure, Lumbergh would shock and astound with the onslaught of 'hmmm', 'yeah', and 'i dont know about that.' It's just that I've seen Belding damn near strip Lisa Turtle naked with his vicious tongue lashings. I know that Lumbergh has patented the great, "Friday is Hawaiin shirt Day.' arguments and orations, but Belding rebuttals are epic, indefensable, and prima facie biotches.

One on One Basketball: Belding in an upset. Belding takes Lumbergh down to the block and punishes him with elbows and sheer weight. Beldings pump fakes and opidopes are too much. Lumbergh glides into some easy lay-up drives, but he gets broken down on D late and Belding triumphs.

Fashion: Lumbergh comes back huge. Sure Belding has some nice Cosby sweaters but he is a broke ass principal. Despite the efforts of Turtle, Kelly, and that dish rag whore Jessie, they cant overcome the Initech cash of Lumbergh. Its hard to top a man that has the confidence and know-how to wear suspenders and a belt at the same time.

Interpretive Dance: TIE. Lumbergh shows off his pop n lock routine to Beastie Boyz "Intergalactic" and brings down the hizzle. Belding doesn't panic and stays within his artistic range. The Bayside elder struts his stuff with a cozy ribbon and ball routine to 'Darling Nicky' by Prince.

TIE BREAKER: goes to a popular vote by comment on below. Voting will close at 8pm tomorrow.

The winner advances, loser goes home.

My Hump

I am completely blown away! This is a song lyric from the Black Eyed Peas.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps (x3)
In the back and in the front.
My lovin’ got u,
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me,up on me, on me.
What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What u gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’m a make, make, make, make you scream
Make u scream, make you scream.

Its aptly named, "My Humps".

Catchy huh?


Move over Beastie Boyz. These guys can write! I'm no huge fan of hippy hop music, but I know a classic when I hear it. Dont get me wrong here. I wouldn't recommend this album just yet, I've only heard the one song. But if this song is indicative of the Album content, we may have the best album since 'To the Extreme' by Vanilla Ice. I'm totally serious kids...ITS THAT GOOD!

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/My-Humps-lyrics-Black-Eyed-Peas/A03069D1CAEDF1A148257013000F75FD

Freakonomics..finally all that cifferin comes in handy!

I finally picked this book up today at the bookstore. I was feeling a bit snooty and thought this might make me more hip if I new all the lingo and shizzle inside. Of course, I wuz right again. I know that this has been written about already, but i just dont think these dudes have gone as far as they can. I think if they told the complete and total truths of their studies, this book doesn't get published.

I haven't yet finished the whole thing so I will refrain from further comentary. I may not finish it, thats just the way I roll sometimes.

Here is a list of other books I have read, currently reading, but not completely finished: 'The Bible' as inspired by God, and 'Being and Time' by Stephen Hawking. Oh yeah MOM, there is no way I'm going to read a book entitled, "Beer can chicken." I might re-gift it. Look out Harry or Ron.

I would like to finish with a rant about the lexicon. Lexicon is defined as, "a word book describing language with definitions;dictionary." When I was 18 years old I heard about this thing called PC or Political Correctness. As I learned about it, I thought and felt deep in my soul that this was a movement corrupt with contradiction. This movement was supposed to revolutionize the relationships between all people. They were right about that! The current divisiveness that permeates throughout the land has its seed in the PC movement. This division has us all tormented with D or R or Red state/blue state. People aren't thinking, "whats good for my community?" Instead they really want to figure out how to screw the opposition out of power. Well Damn it to hell! This republic is supposed to be above this.

Think about it this way, the current PC movement doesn't allow us to say someone is a whore. Instead we must say he or she(of course in 1990 we would assume a female) is sexually promiscuous. I hate to steal George Carlins thunder, but damn that boy is right. We could go on and on citing the examples...but thats just going to piss me off. Dont teach the children to think for themselves, instead teach them to pass a standardized test. I think that is a line from a Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young song...or maybe not. WELL THE ONLY PROBLEM WITH THAT IS THE WORLD ISN'T STANDARDIZED!

Most teachers today have never heard of the Dartmouth method or Linux. Two things from different eras that exemplify the same thing. THINK and DO for yourself on your own merits. The teachers that do know about it will get fired if they dont follow the curiculum. These kids are just numbers, which is the point I'm getting from this book.



www.freakonomics.com

Will Polka for beer!

Alpenmusikaten is the greatest polka band of all time! If you have never heard these guys then you are missing out. Allen and the boys can do it all. Country-polka, raggae-polka, polka-rock, and fusion polka is never anything but greatness.

Unfortunately, I dont think these guys have ever played Lubbock, but they will be booked for the Texas Tech-TCU pre-game bash in Ft. Worth. They be can found carousing about various German festivals.

Kingfish Advanced Poker Theory

As many of my 'avid' readers I have been playing poker for over 10 years and semi-professionally for about the last 2 years. I had spent many hours playing limit poker mostly, when it occured to me that everything that I had read and scene on TV poker was really bullshit. Therefore, along with my poker co-hort Helmut, I decided to come up with some advanced limit poker theories to help the novice loser.

Now first of all, if your new to poker and are looking for the end all be all strategery, YOU are at the right place. LET'S all say this to ourselves as we read it.

KAPT (Kingfish Advanced Poker Theory) #1: Literacy is for losers.

KAPT #1 is also known as the LAW OF HELMUT!

Dont waste your money on stupid books! Instead use that money to gamble! Those books are written by so-called Poker professionals right? Why did they write those books? So you could read them then show up and win. Come on! Think before you purchase a book. They just wrote those books to figure out another way to drain your bankroll. The great thing about the LAW OF HELMUT is that you can use it at the table to needle your opponents (whom have read every damn book!)...especially after I teach you my shizz.

KAPT #2: 4-9 suited and 4-9 offsuit are not to be thrown into the muck! NEVER DO THIS! Raise with these bad mofos as soon as you get them in tandem.

KAPT #2 is also known as the SWIVEL. Swivels can and do win that extra pot you need to have a profitable session. Yeah sure everybody knows to raise with AA-KK-QQ etc, but you know what QQ is good for? Gettin snapped off at the river by 4-9 and a straight! AND YOU RAISED! Genius. Winning with the swivel will put your opponents on tilt. Trust me...as they are steaming announce, "I had the swivel cards suited, what did you expect me to do???FOLD!"

KAPT #3 :Intermittantly call with 7-3 off and 8-5 off, and raise with these combonations when suited. If the flop comes picture, picture, blank, then you know what to do hopefully. If the flop comes blank, blank, blank......FIRE AT WILL SOLDIER! Chasing pictures out of the game is essential. KAPT #3 is also known as the FLEX. Flex cards can also be great for catching nut straights and small flushes.

KAPT #4: J-6 suited should be played out of position and always raised. Never call with this hand! EVER! The purpose of this hand is simple. Chase out the chasers before, during, and at the showdown. Comprende? This hand is also excellent when the diablos hit the board. Say the flop is A-10-6. You are probably behind in the hand to a caller with an Ace. Therefore, you know what they have, most of the time, if you fire and they call. Turn comes 6. You check feigning weakness to the other 6 hitting. So dat dude bets you pop him for a raise then he calls. River J....RUH ROH card. You bet, he raises wff two pair A-J then you cram it in again with your diablo's full of jacks! HAHAHAHAHA! Pot is even better if you have your a couple of flush and straight callers. The real concept that you must understand is; what hand did they put you on? A-pic, big pair, whatever; but it damn sure wasn't J-6suited!
KAPT #4 is also known as the SWING. Swing hands are aptly named for what they can do to your chip stack.

KAPT #5: Strike first, strike hard, and no mercy!

KAPT #5 is also known as the Cobra Kai.

Next week we will be covering my new theory. Screw pot odds...sometimes you need to raise needing runner-runner; to build your own pot odds.

These are some notes and excerpts from my new book with a working title called; "Won Ton Soup, Immigrant Poker, and AH YAA!

My El Guapo is cigarettes!

"I suppose you could say that everyone has an El Guapo. For some, shyness may be an El Guapo. For others, lack of education may be an El Guapo. But for us, El Guapo is a large man who wants to kill us."

-Lucky Day from 'Three Amigos'

Cigarettes can kill you. A statement we have often heard in our lives, yet for smokers its simply disregarded. I have been smoke free for 22 days today. I can feel my body slowly regaining strength from 10 years of on and off damage. It took two trips to the hospital in a span of 8 days to finally convince myself to put them down for good. How focking stupid is that?

I quit cold turkey, but not really. I was in the hospital shot up full of drugs and chemicals to 'find out' what is going on with my heart. I remember laying prone and being left behind by the nurse wheeling me to my cat scan. I just layed there pathetic, overweight, pissed off, and alone. You just either get it at that point or ya dont! I didn't really make a decision to quit, I'm just not going to smoke anymore. There is a difference between the two. The term quit indicates, at least to me, you might do it again at a party or bar or every morning after ya get outta here. Thats bullshit and sucks donkey balls! When this smoker simply says, not decides, but SAYS, hey screw this I'm not going to do this, its done.........ITS FINALLY OVER. Thats it and thats all there is to it. I may go down eventually, but it damn sure aint going to be from that.

So if you smoke I got some sage focking advice for ya. Dont buy a bunch of patches, gum, or hire some hack ass hypnotist......and whatever you do DONT QUIT! Just dont smoke. You either get it or ya dont. Dont beat yourself up about it. Overcome and conquer your El Guapo, then enjoy the hell out of it.

Dogs, Thanksgiving, and musing.

I learned along time ago that a mirror to the human mind, soul, and being is seen through a dog. If you truely want a perspective of your total self, you simply need to seek the company of a good dog...all things will improve at that point, including the dog.

My first dog was Faith. We lived together in Lubbock, two blocks away from Jones Stadium and the Texas Tech campus. Faith was a German Shephard. One of my first memories was playing with Faith and her newborn puppies in her doghouse in Lubbock. She protected me and my family until she died in Bridgeport a few years later. Faith was a great dog and I see alot of her today in Maggie and Natasha.

Thank you for dogs, Mike Leach, and the Spread offense. Thanks you for the multitude of bowl victories and a deserved trip to the sweet sixteen. Thanks for letting Bobby Knight win, have fun, and teach again. He digs it, and we all like it alot.

Above all, thanks to my family, friends, and selective few co-workers for making life good.

Lets keep on striving to be the ball.

Excelsior,

Kingfish

REEF Flip Flop's Rock da hissle!

Check this out, It was 84 degrees yesterday in the town of the Cow. I was skipping work again and was trying to find some new 'f' me pumps' (flip-flops, sandals, etc.) on clearance Clarance. Well, I stumbled on the greatest invention since Al Gore's internet...no shizz!

That's right kids! The pumps have a beer bottle opener on the SOLE! How much would you pay for such a convienence? For a Texan, this is damn near like hitting the lottery and seeing a bowl game. I have been an avid Reef 'f me pump' fan for over a year. Reefs have always been right on.

GETCHA SOME!

OH Boy...this should be fun! Thats right kids...its the Enron Cotton Bowl! January 2nd, i will be skipping work for a wonderful morning in South Dallas. I know we got our asses handed to us on a plate when we played the spoiled children there...but damn Zebbie was a freshman. At least the Cotton Bowl is in a decent neighborhood and there wont be any Sooners around.

I'm not too sure who we are playing. Obviously, we think its BAMA. It really wont matter. I'm sure this will be just like the Clemson and Cal games. They think that there Conference is da shizzle. They think their all-star prep 10 star recruits that cant spell are gonna romp our Big 12 Texas kids. Well....let em eat donkey balls! Clemson got a big plate of donkey balls in 02; and how do you think the Cal liked there balls? Bad question for that school. Anyways, this aint my daddy's TEXAS TECH!

So buy yo tickets faithful and stay tuned cause da Kingfish is going to have a throw down befo, afta, and afta de game....ya dig dat? I know I says it twist cause i understands efectuals! Maggie (my dog) has agreed to be the designated driver. I figure it cant hurt since nobody in Dallas County is a real Texan anyways.

Any Bama fans want to party and have a good time, ya came to the right place. Texas Tech is known in these parts to be the College of Knowledge but we also know how to treat a guest.

Gimme some love peeps cause in my hood its.....BROS BEFO HOS!

Happy Ramahanakwazamas!

Look out sportsfans! The miners are taking over. I'm not sure what conference they are in but I heard on FSEP-foxsportselpaso they are for reals dis year. Like won a bunch of games. This one mexican guy in the Inn of the Mountain Gods Casino was like totally intimidating me.......NOT..........I took dat foo fo at reast ten dorrar. He had on a Miners Jersey and kept asking, "hey when are yall gonna put on de miners game man." I was like about to cry laughing.

Next year I think the Red Raiders have to play them in the Sun Bowl. That will be kinda cool. Drive in Friday. Eat some real Mexican food, then off to tailgate Tejano style. But you know its going to be at least as bad as going to play UNM in Albuquerque. Same type of pre-game hazing from people that look like orange and blue UMPALUMPA (Sp????jeez)

Anyways they suck donkey balls until they prove otherwise. The vaunted Red Raiders will somehow pull it out...hopefully. So if your down with the travelling to the game, here's the shizzle.

This package is friend priced at $500 bucks per person. If you act early (Tuesday befo we leave) and front da cash early then its only $350. Includes game ticket, gas to and fro the HUBaplex w/ Helmut...cowtown if ridin wiff me, motel in Juarez (2 nights biotches!), and tailgate accutraments. Only 6 seats leff. Drop me a line on my emails if ya wants to go.

keep it flat?

Is it part of the Burnt Orange Media Conspiracy to not keep Lubbock flat? Or maybe the Aggies want to tilt the stadium so they have a chance at beating the Red Raiders. Or at least make it harder for Tech to sodomize them with a goalpost.

Your right Fight Crub...I do not hhhhhaave Spades!

Is this not the coorest movie ever made about poker? Forget Poker....Rounders is totar greatness! Fight Crub is burrshit compared to this. I rearry dont rike those dudes that spout of the shizz on fight crub. Fight Crub is gay. Rounders is not gay...no way man.

Fight Crub, first you cant tark about it. Its a rure...totarry! Thats just crazy man. SO I'm supposed to think this coor but not say anything? And another thing, Brad Pitt courdn't hord Markovichs jock! Okay maybe he courd beat his ass, I'm not derured, but stirr, John is a way better actor than Brad.

Supporting cast you ask? How about Matt Damon...he's coor. What about Gretchen Mor huh? Totarry hot...more on dat another time. What does Fight Crub have? Nobody reary. If Fight Crub had Burt or anyone coor from the Dazed and Confused cast then different story. Rounders is the best. If your rooking to improve your poker game more, then I wourd suggest Coor Hand Ruke.

This brog rike totarry rocks-tribute to Burt on first day.

Burton Reon Reynolds Jr. He's rike the baddest mo fo to ever grace the sirver screen...you can dig this right? Anyone who is not moved to tears after he throws the footbarr in that guys barrs in the first Rongest Yard movie is rike totarry freakin stoned man.

Check out that jacket man...rike totarry bad ass..armost rike Cobra Kai bad ass! Members Onry with 'Bandit' on the side! HERR YEAH...chicks be arr up in dat. OH and they were. You know it! Sarry Fierd was rike hot for teacher compretery. Okay man. stay corr.

Harry: guns up or just raising?

This guy will totally jack yo shit. His name is Harry. If you see him, approach with some kinda trendy microbrew bullshit beer cause it makes him feel special.
He is a lobbyist and a Telemundo fan, even though he speaks little to no Spanish. He claims he invented the terms 'jazz hands'. He loves to rehabilitate liberals, cripples, and communists. Hes quite a keeper ladies.

Me rike totarry kickin ass

Helmut repose with beer in morning

First time-long time

Welcome to Keep Lubbock Flat. Just got back from the beloved hubaplex dis weekend. It was da bomb, the shizz and all dat.

My friends in the Hub are totarry coor. More on dis after I set up this damn thing.