Kingfish Advanced Poker Theory

As many of my 'avid' readers I have been playing poker for over 10 years and semi-professionally for about the last 2 years. I had spent many hours playing limit poker mostly, when it occured to me that everything that I had read and scene on TV poker was really bullshit. Therefore, along with my poker co-hort Helmut, I decided to come up with some advanced limit poker theories to help the novice loser.

Now first of all, if your new to poker and are looking for the end all be all strategery, YOU are at the right place. LET'S all say this to ourselves as we read it.

KAPT (Kingfish Advanced Poker Theory) #1: Literacy is for losers.

KAPT #1 is also known as the LAW OF HELMUT!

Dont waste your money on stupid books! Instead use that money to gamble! Those books are written by so-called Poker professionals right? Why did they write those books? So you could read them then show up and win. Come on! Think before you purchase a book. They just wrote those books to figure out another way to drain your bankroll. The great thing about the LAW OF HELMUT is that you can use it at the table to needle your opponents (whom have read every damn book!)...especially after I teach you my shizz.

KAPT #2: 4-9 suited and 4-9 offsuit are not to be thrown into the muck! NEVER DO THIS! Raise with these bad mofos as soon as you get them in tandem.

KAPT #2 is also known as the SWIVEL. Swivels can and do win that extra pot you need to have a profitable session. Yeah sure everybody knows to raise with AA-KK-QQ etc, but you know what QQ is good for? Gettin snapped off at the river by 4-9 and a straight! AND YOU RAISED! Genius. Winning with the swivel will put your opponents on tilt. Trust me...as they are steaming announce, "I had the swivel cards suited, what did you expect me to do???FOLD!"

KAPT #3 :Intermittantly call with 7-3 off and 8-5 off, and raise with these combonations when suited. If the flop comes picture, picture, blank, then you know what to do hopefully. If the flop comes blank, blank, blank......FIRE AT WILL SOLDIER! Chasing pictures out of the game is essential. KAPT #3 is also known as the FLEX. Flex cards can also be great for catching nut straights and small flushes.

KAPT #4: J-6 suited should be played out of position and always raised. Never call with this hand! EVER! The purpose of this hand is simple. Chase out the chasers before, during, and at the showdown. Comprende? This hand is also excellent when the diablos hit the board. Say the flop is A-10-6. You are probably behind in the hand to a caller with an Ace. Therefore, you know what they have, most of the time, if you fire and they call. Turn comes 6. You check feigning weakness to the other 6 hitting. So dat dude bets you pop him for a raise then he calls. River J....RUH ROH card. You bet, he raises wff two pair A-J then you cram it in again with your diablo's full of jacks! HAHAHAHAHA! Pot is even better if you have your a couple of flush and straight callers. The real concept that you must understand is; what hand did they put you on? A-pic, big pair, whatever; but it damn sure wasn't J-6suited!
KAPT #4 is also known as the SWING. Swing hands are aptly named for what they can do to your chip stack.

KAPT #5: Strike first, strike hard, and no mercy!

KAPT #5 is also known as the Cobra Kai.

Next week we will be covering my new theory. Screw pot odds...sometimes you need to raise needing runner-runner; to build your own pot odds.

These are some notes and excerpts from my new book with a working title called; "Won Ton Soup, Immigrant Poker, and AH YAA!