Cigarette cravings

I am so proud of myself today, because I did not smoke. I have had a rash of cigarette cravings recently and it was starting to become annoying. You see, I haven't had a smoke since I last put one out in the parking lot of the hospital. That was in November 2005. I wrote an article about it called My El Guapo is cigarettes.

Last night I was at the best Mexican food place in Shreveport. It is called Superior, and it is. All of the hot young ladies were smoking, drinking margaritas, and looking fine with tanned skin and airy flowing outfits. It was a plethora of all that is beautiful about sorority youth. Believe me, I felt like a snake on a plane full of prey. Sorry no pics, but I vow to take some next week.

I was enjoying the evening, all of the sudden I had an overwhelming urge to smoke. If I would have had a cigarette in my hand, there would have been no discussion. Several self questions; Why after almost 10 months am I still having these urges? Am I always going to equate young nubile Southern sorority ladies with smoking? Will I smoke again? Damn. As I write this I do have a lingering want to light one up. I just dont know, that's really bullshit i do know.

The truth is I want to smoke. I am a smoker. The 10 month break hasn't changed that. It is an issue of personal control and determination. The words of William Shakespeare apply aptly here. From "To thy known self be true." Shakepeare warns of being false to others and to one self. I am guessing that despite my urge to justify a bad habit, it is the habit that betrays me and is my responsibility. I am not going to lie, a nicotine rush would have been a nice way to top off the evening. That and a nice young lady to accompany me. But neither happened. Responsibility sucks.

Will I smoke again? I probably will. In fact, if I double my current age; I intend to drink scotch, smoke, sit in hot tubs, and play golf every day until I die. It will be my second retirement. (I was retired briefly in the mid 90's.) At that point you could get all kinds of shit to take you out. Live it up! I say that but if my beloved Red Raiders haven't won a National Title in football by then, then I will have to stay somewhat healthy. I want to be alive when that happens.