I have decided to come back.

I will write stuff occasionally, and everyday HERE.

Hope you can dig that.

Stacks of Washingtons so high I can barely see.

Poker is fun, especially when you are winning.

The Cotton Bowl sucks

472 beers and a plate of Benito's flaming cheese doesn't fix it.

Reasons I hate the Cotton Bowl.

1. we haven't won a game there yet.
2. game starts at 10am.
3. hot overpriced beer...boo.

Let's face it, that place is like Shea Stadium to a Red Sox fan. I will NEVER attend a game in that place again.

10 am? Who's bright idea is that? I know they will scream tradition, but tradition has knocked that bowl into second tier status. College football is more than just a game. Let me say that again, COLLEGE FOOTBALL is more than just a game! A great time to start would be 2pm. Fans from both schools have time to enjoy tailgating. Speaking of that, let me just say that the pre-game 'breakfast' was okay. But damn, I paid 872 million dollars for tickets and I would like to get some pregame tailgate for a reasonable time and hour...jeez does anyone get this?

Tangerine, Independence, Holiday, Copper, and Rose are all games I have attended and they all have outstanding tailgating oppurtunities. They are also games, with the exception of the Rose, that my school has won.

HOT BEER? Hey I think the price is fair, but damn how about cold? I know its a Tech Superbowl and the drinking is intense, but how about some ICE?

We lost. I cant wait until Sept 16th when we come to Ft. Worth to play the Frogs. Good season Red Raiders. Even though we came up short, better January days are ahead of us.

I started riding a bike again...here's an action shot

The only embarrassing moment was getting heckled by 4th graders while they passed me on their Super Big Wheels.






I am pre-starting my fitness program. That means the exercise without the diet. The great thing about my hacienda local is the bike trails link up the entire city...Awesome! Riding a bike is so good for you, plus it is less stress on your knees and joints. The thing I think is funny is, as I go by on my bike, people stare at me like I'm a circus freak. I'm damn near 300lbs, 6'4 of big ass Texan, thats probably the explanation. I scream obsenities in Italian if they look at me weird, and they run off. I'm great with kids.

The bikes these days are made with lightweight material, and I'm not so sure how they are going to hold up to the stress. In fact, today I was cruising through my first 3 miles when the pedal crank came off. I tried to repair it but no dice, so I had to hoof it back to the hacienda. I was remarkably calm and happy the whole walk back. I got home, ate a burrito, okay i had two, then I hopped in my truck to retreive the stranded bike.

After I got my bike, I went back to the bike store and the 20 year old sales girl was great. She went to the back and brought out a new bike. I refused to again buy the warranty because I figured I was going to wear out this one in less than 90 days and need a new one. See I'm not going to buy a $1200 Bike just yet. I know that window for being competitive on the world class level is closing, so I probably need to stay with a cheaper ride.

Below is what I'm aspiring to be:

Cotton Bowl Countdown: 6 days til tailgate

The Crimson Tide is coming. Their fans actually have a decent reputation, maybe even a smidge better than ours.



Here is a schedule of events.

Saturday, December 31st- New Years party at the hacienda.
Sunday, January 1st- Black eyed pea feast.
Monday, January 2nd

6:15 am-get out of bed...I will already be awake.
6:17 am-Get in shower, crack open 1st beer of the day...Remember what the Rayfes says, "you can't drink all day unless you start in the morning."
6:29 am-Get dressed
6:31 am-Ice down beer..load in truck.
6:40 am-depart with crew to Dallas.
7:40 am-arrive in Parking lot.
7:41 am-crank up the Goin Band FULL BLAST...set up tailgate.
7:47 am-Just do it.
9:37 am-head to Cotton bowl
10:12 am-Kickoff! (Throw tortillas!)
Halftime-Meet Helmut, Harry, and crew for halftime beer whilst Goin Band does their tribute to Sly and the Family Stone.Stone music
The rest of the day will obviously depend on the outcome.

That is all, carry on.

Maggie..stem cell...dead ficus...f'n Christmas!

My home stem cell research has gone awry. Maggie, my dog and test subject, has figured out how to operate a television remote. She now comes into the room and changes the channel, which just annoys me. I guess the religious right was right about this after all. God is punishing me.


Last night, my friends all gathered around the dead ficus tree trimmed with care. Since I am unemployed I decided to replace the pole with a dead tree. We all had a great time, or at least I did. Mad props to my a number one soul brother Brad Dodd. He and the girlfriend of BD came through with an awesome gift for the household. Poker Chips! BEST GIFT EVER...thanks mano!

As many of my readers know, I dont celebrate Christmas like a good white boy should. I dont go to church, and I dont thank the cracker Jesus for leaving my home full of crap that doesn't fit and a huge credit card bill. Christmas is pagan and no matter how many hail mary's ya say, its still pagan. I got duped into celebrating this holiday as a child. I think its a great day for a child, by the way, because it teaches them to expect relatives to show up with gifts.

But hey, I'm a hypocrite too. I'm no better than the dude that goes to church every Sunday for business networking. I am as low as the single girl that joins a cult to meet guys. I am the semi-reformed Christian that attends Christmas parties. I admit it. I think Christmas, despite its derisiveness, is fun. I go home to see my family because I love them. I buy them crap because I dont want to be embarassed about not bringing gifts. In fact, I will spend almost $1000, TODAY, to not feel that pain.

The true Christmas 'miracle' is that everyone lies to themselves about it. The worst part about Christmas is the lying. Lie is defined as, 'Something meant to deceive or give a wrong impression.' Gifts are wrapped, stories about a person that doesn't and never existed are put forth, and people stress. I remember being told that Santa Claus didn't exist as a kid, it was a horrible day.

I think its completely brilliant in a way. Christmas is the ultimate joke. Think about it...there are still people out there that believe that this is the celebration of Christ birth. And if you are reading this and feel upset, I think you should research the history of the Roman Catholic Church before you spout off a retort of hate. I'm right. I think its brilliant because over half of this country justifies this Roman orgy as HOLY! The so-called Protestant churches of Christ that historically opposed this pagan Roman ritual suddenly and overwhelmingly embraced it in the late 19th century. WHY? Just follow the money.

Well friends and family, I guess we will go on with this bullshit. I dont really see any other alternative other than total self banishment. I definately dont have the courage to deal with that. So I'm off to self ownage today. I call it my hypocrisy tax, because that is exactly what it is.

Have fun, be safe, and eat a pig or cow.

I totarry freakin rure up in this mutha!

Aw yes! Its that time of year. Happy Ramahanakwazamas and FESTIVUS! My Festivus bash is tonight kids. If you didn't get invited, too bad. Grievences will be aired and strength will be tested.

BTW, if you show up and didn't answer the evite...your GHEY!

In all honesty, I have no clue how to do a Festivus, so were going to wing it. If we have a good time that will be the Festivus miracle. So whilst all you losers with families and what not are sittin around rubbin out Grandma's bunions.....think about us having real fun insulting each other.

West SIIIDE White BOYZ BEYOTCH!

"Outside the box"

I'm sure everyone is familiar with this saying. If not, consider yourself lucky!

Whenever someone uses this term, please immediately classify this person as an idiot. They can't think of what to say or what to do, so this is the bullshit they spew in hopes of siphoning off your brain power, so they can pawn it off as their own.

Here's my response to the 'box people.' Feel free to use this in general conversation.

Where is the box? I wasn't aware that I was in the box? I doubt if I was in a box willingly, I would be inside of one with you. Okay, so lets just say hypothetically, you do know what that means, right? Okay, lets say that we are indeed inside of THE box. If we get out of this box, then what happens if we land in a more confining box?
So the 'box' people get confused, so to combat you they confuse you back. They change the word box into sphere.

THE COMFORT ZONE

The worst thing the box people can do is institute the 'comfort zone' lecture. We should have all heard that one by now. My idea of the comfort zone is my hacienda, Lubbock, Ft. Worth, and Wise County. I have expanded my comfort zone as far as i really want to. The way i see it someones zone is their own damn business.

I have a friend, and to protect his reputation will just call him Ron Grant. Ron's comfort zone revolves around the Cities of Ralls and Lubbock, Texas. That's really it. I have been with him to Austin before, and I think that did him in for about 10 years. Ron goes to work, drinks with his friends at 'THE BAR', and goes home. On weekends, he visits his mother without fail. Ron is a happy and good man. So imagine your Ron and some idiot tells you you need to venture out of your comfort zone. Well If I'm Ron I'd say why dont ya get out of yours and have a shot of Jaeger!

On second thought, I have decided to reverse myself just a bit here. I think it is wise to get out of your box, sphere, sleeping bag, or whatever. I think anyone that is intent on having a full life experience just naturally does this. My problem isn't with people venturing, it is other people bullying them to do it. My corrolary to this is simple. Venture forth on new experiences on your own volition. There is a difference between being inspired and being bullied into being falsely inspired. Its just like the scene in Office Space whenever Lumbergh is saying and pointing to the sign outloud, "IS THIS GOOD FOR THE COMPANY!" Everyone is uninspired and falsely clapping, except that one brown noser. Well, i doubt there is any inspiration without an expectation of personal gain.

Which brings me to my point, you cant inspire others to change unless their is incentive for them to help make change happen. It seems like a simple concept that is too often ignored in the work place. So whenever you hear 'crisis' remember the government is about to take a big chunk out ya behind, and whenever you hear 'box' remember someone doesn't really want to think, they just want you to do it for them. Its up to you to decide if their is any incentive in it worth it. In a crisis you have no choice.

Old South pics 1990!

I believe are theme that year was "Shrouded by honor." My fraternity or 'order' was a unique conglomeration of some of the brightest minds to spring from the bowels of the bible belt. We knew all about cultural dyversity before we could even spell it. I just dont know why we only had white people in our group?

I remember all the fun we used to have when I was pledging. Getting thrown through doors, beaten by 2 or 3 'brothers' at the same time, and getting tobacco juice spit in your eye. Wouldn't it be great to be young again?

I love it when people tell me they were in a fraternity that didn't haze. Yeah and the pope wasn't a Hitler youth.

My favorite Al Sharton quote.

Its also the only one I know.

With all due respect to you brother Simpson, we didn't clap when the acquittal of Simpson came for O.J., we were clapping for Johnnie.

Eulogy for Johnnie Cochran.

The Chronic!

This is the shizza!

Things that make you go hmmm.

No its not an expose on the C&C Music factory. But have you ever noticed how the current dictator looks like Charlie Chaplin as president, or the other way around i mean.



Roy Clark is probably making more cash and working less by hawking all the old episodes of one the best variety shows ever.


Speaking of Hee Haw, there was an old song on that show that I think fits here appropriately.

Gloom, despair and agony on me
Deep dark depression, excessive misery
If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all
Gloom despair and agony on me

I dont know about your grandparents, but mine wouldn't be too happy about this spy business.

Pop Culture for PBS kids: Land of the Lost

It occurred to me the other day that this medium could be of some use to other people, particularly the more literate of my massive audience. You see, literate people spent their time in their formative youth developing their brains. They can have intelligent conversations about 'Connections' and 'Nova' Now, I have watched these programs too, but it was only in a classroom and never on my own volition. Oh and just in case you dont know what those shows are about then dont worry, you can probably get them on box set, as I dont think PBS has come up with its TV LAND channel just yet.

So for those of you that need some guidance, here are my suggestions to catching up with the rest of Generation X.



If you want to know why Xers are so screwed up, its because we watched to much Sid and Marty Krofft shows. I do not advise watching them all, but one should at least be able to know what a Sleestak is and how it moves and sounds...danger sound! The Land of the Lost has all of the nuiances of a great show. It always begins with a chilling intro song.

I have always said that Speilberg ripped off the Land of the Lost 'concept' when he made that weak dinosaur movie. Has someone just made a remake of LOTL it would have rocked way better. Every kid I knew that was a dude had a major crush on Holly, even though she was so stupid. Will, the brother was always a hothead. The Dad, Rick Marshall, was cool. But again, Speilberg ripped him off when he did the Indiana Jones movies.

The only thing missing is the weak link in the show, Chaka. Chaka spoke in acient pig latin. The only cool thing was Chaka reciting the nativity scene in the Old Testament.Chaka speech. Hows that for intelligent design?

Immigration, Fence, and Nazi kittens!

Today the House of Representatives are announcing that they are going to build a wall to keep people from migrating to the U.S. Link to AP story here
Correct me if I am wrong but isn't there already a fence? I doubt a mere fortification such as steel fence can keep them out. But besides that, I love this idea! Brilliant government! Why? Let's look on the bright side of life.Monty Python song here

We all know that the odds of another fence on the border stopping illegal immigration is pointless. People will find a way to get where they want to be. From ancient times to the present, immigration has been a problem for the great economic powers. Rome was overrun by barbarians eventually and it seems the U.S. will too. Hey, I not advocating a new Whitey land or anything, but I think whilst were being overrun we should use it our economic advantage. But maybe were doing that already.

Since the illegals are supposedly running people off of their jobs in their native land, these 'unemployed' can join the big work project down South and build a new fence. That way the 'illegals' can keep providing cheap labor to the rich pezzanovantes. That is what we refer to as a win-win situation. Again, whenever times seem to tough to overcome, Uncle Sam comes to the rescue! Bravo.

Now we all know that this will not completely solve the problem, but I think I know what will. As Bob Barker has pointed out every weekday morning for the last 87 plus years, 'help control the pet population and get your pet spied or nuetered.' Well despite Bob's pleas, the cat population still seems to be a problem. I have the solution. We need to train all of our unwanted cats to become border gaurds. (making funny pic fit bs story) Not just any kind of gaurd, but a Nazi border guard.

Execute my recommendations and we can end unemployement, illegal immigration, and solve the age old problem of what to do with unwanted cats...

Wes Anderson Films

25 years from now if these movies aren't required viewing at film school, then Western Civilization has ceased to exist.

How many movies have a different side to them? To me, nobody does the subtle 'retro' smart, depth, sarcastic humor better. In fact, it isn't possible unless it is a Wes Anderson movie. Without going into the pointless synopsis analysis ad hoc caveats about each movie, I would rather remark about the look and feel of it. Each movie has a clean, haughty, and pristine picture. That is, each scene is shot in a way that makes the backround seem interesting and right. Wes is a genius, think about it. You laugh at the situations and dialogue and at the same moment feel the emotions for all characters regardless of thier protagonist/antagonist status. Who does that? The characters are always in the best of situations, and in a cross but pleasant mood.

The point of this is to set up my next piece, working tilte is, "I quit my job and my Rushmore today."

Johnny Cash

Johnny Cash at Folsom prison, back before they incarcerated criminals in California I guess. I dont think a country act like Pat Green would get a warm reception down in Huntsville.

Its still a cool pic and reminds me of a suprisingly great book, 'Cash' by Johnny Cash. He is a good writer obviously but sometimes the two genres of writing dont mesh well.

My daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."

Who is John Galt? Herb Kelleher.

If you ask me Herb is John Galt. Who is John Galt? That is the question proposed to us in philosophical literature not so long ago. I spent almost a year trying to find out that mystery and I wont give that up so easily. Anything else sure, but not that. However, I am convinced that Herb is the personification of Mr. Galt in almost every way.

I have admired Herb Kelleher, the leader of Southwest, for many years. I have flown on Southwest Airlines numerous times, and I have always got from point A to point B, without a hassle. Now I want you to notice that I didn't call it 'his' airline. Its not his. Southwest belongs to him and his employees. Herb gets IT! Herb made it that way, and more importantly, never betrayed that trust with Southwest employees. I have never worked any airline, but I have worked for some big organizations. The Southwest employees actually care. Its not a gimmick or advertisement, thats why they are winning. Believe me that feeling is rare.

The only airline to turn a profit since 9/11 is...Southwest. Why do they make a profit and win? Before we explore that let's remember; I can think of no other legal enterprise, outside of the tobacco companies, that have succeeded in the face of so much adversity. The Wright Amendment is a travesty to free enterprise, everybody with a brain can figure that one out! Unfortunately, its not a question of economic free enterprise. It is merely an act of selfish greed. This single piece of legislation was designed to crush Love Field; and force Southwest to fly from DFW instead of its base near downtown Dallas. It seems this was a political power play executed from the offices of rivals bent on crushing Herb and Southwest. But wait, that was more than 20 years ago when the evil liberals that hated puppies, money, and Neiman Marcus were in charge.

Thank the red state Jesus that the Republicans can reverse this travesty of legislation perpetrated by the evil liberal; former Speaker Jim Wright. Well? Come on Republicans? What more could Texans want? Let's get out that platform and cross this one off as a tribute to Herb and free enterprise. In the words of Judge Smells on the 18th green at the climactic ending of Caddyshack, "well...WERE WAITING!"

Unfortunately, Kay Bailey Huchinson is no Danny Noonan. Neither is Kay Granger, R-Ft. Worth; nor Joe Barton, R-Arlington.

But Southwest is going to win. Despite the limitations of this airline, by law, to not fly non-stop past a 5 state area; they turned their limitations into a niche market. That is history. Today December 13, 2005; Southwest was freed by the law to fly to stops in Missouri...the proverbial throwing of the bone. Just this evening on the local news, Southwest competitors are cutting fares and rolling back schedules. Southwest just keeps adding on.

History is a big indicator of future results. If that is true, I'll take Herb and Southwest. Its not that I wish ill will on its competitors. I just know that he will win because he has the luxury of complete faith of his employees. Think about that, Southwest employees aren't the ones in constant strike, they 'luv' their jobs. WHY? Its because they know that if they work hard today and beat you today, they will be secure today and tomorrow. That is called esprit de corps!

I just changed my mind, John Galt is John Galt and Herb Kelleher is a real leader that never gives up on his dream. I wish you luck Herb. I hope that Missouri is today, and the world awaits tomorrow.

The Republicans and the religious right

This is the current party in charge, and I like the pictures. Especially the 'Baylor...Ned Flanders." I was thinking about going on a rant but I am having too much fun watching the drama on TV about Tookie Williams.

Richard Pryor

Harry suggested I do a tribute, so this is it.

Richard Pryor is dead. During his life he had a heart attack, was addicted to cocaine; and he almost died freebasing it. I remember thinking as a young teen that was terrible, because he was so funny. Despite those things he made some great movies. 'The Toy', 'Stir Crazy', and 'Harlem Nights.' He was one of the writers for one of my all time favorite films, 'Blazing Saddles.'

Rest in peace Richard, you made us laugh at our differences, very few comedians can claim that.

Sanford and son...greatest show ever?

Too bad this era of television is behind us, or is it? For some reason, Redd Foxx is my new hero. I recently quit smoking and I haven't seen El Guapo in over a month. He is not coming back! Anyway, I have this Sanford and son t-shirt that I wear all the time, because for some odd reason it makes me happy. You see, I have high blood pressure, and I can relate to the humor and seriousness of this character, I admire it.

Yes, we all know that Fred G. Sanford was always just seconds from 'coming to join you'. That was one of the highlights of the show, that and the constant verbal abuse ('you big dummy') served up to his son, Lamont. Remember when verbal abuse was funny? THOSE WERE THE DAYS....wrong show(All in the Family), same time period, and actually the same stream of conscience. Sorry for the massive ADD moments, but i will get there.

Whenever I think of all the problems that Fred had with Aunt Esther, Rollo, and Grady; it makes me ponder. I think that Sanford and son is really my life in a 70's television show. Here's how:

Aunt Esther is my current job. Hell my job is like having two Aunt Esthers constantly troubling me. My weight is like having Grady agitating you all day. Its not a huge distraction, or for that matter a nuisance, but eventually Grady is going to drive you into the ground. Oh, it gets worse. Rollo can come over too. Rollo is depression. Now Rollo is not always around but he is lurking and then at the worst possible moment; Rollo comes over and drinks all your Ripple and eats all your food. So then, you go out, spend extra money on drinking and food, because Rollo loves to party.

Now the great thing is that there is Lamont. Lamont is my friends and family. Lamont tries to talk sense to me, and like Fred, I often don't listen to Lamont when I should. Just like many an entertaining story thread eminate from Fred's screw ups, the same can be said for some bad events in my life. So far, things have worked out good bacause eventually Lamont comes and saves the day. Although a few episodes have been all Fred baby!

So how do we keep Sanford and son on the air?

Well Fred needs to get some blood pressure meds, exercise, eat right, and take care of himself. Fred needs to lay off the Ripple, although a great many studies have said that two glasses of ripple a day are good for you. A fatal mistake is to let Grady run the junkyard while you leave for St. Louis. In my opinion thats how the show cancelled, and we cant have that. We need to write Aunt Esther off the show. Now we need an Aunt Esther replacement of some kind because the show really would suck without an Aunt Esther.

We need to figure out a way to reduce Grady's presence on the show and have a recurring special guest star. Now Grady wont go away instantly, well I suppose he could, but thats not an option that the audience (cash) would appreciate. In fact, the audience would better served in the long run if we hire George Foreman. Now George could serve as exercise and diet. George would probably keep Rollo away as well. So we replace Grady and Rollo with George Foreman. I think Lamont would like George Foreman too. Lamont would also like to see his 'pop' in better shape. Because with Foreman around cooking and helping Fred exercise, its a win for everyone.

Will the dynamic of the show be different? Absolutely. Will it be better? Who cares, because no matter what Fred is going love Lamont. Thats what the show is really about. Because essentially we all see ourselves in characters. Every show has its version of Aunt Esther, Grady, and Rollo. Every show has its special guest stars and recurring themes. But the greatest thing is that not every show is the same, well except Hogans Heros, but you get my point? DO you?

Well we all know that eventually the show will get cancelled. But what really matters is the legacy of a great show. Does Sanford and son stand the test of time? Well one thing is for sure, it could have been better in the first few seasons; but it was always funny.